Hells Bells
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them. COMPLETE!
1. Demons are Incompetent

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**.**

**Prologue**

_**Demons Are Incompetent**_

Lucifer sighed and swallowed a mouthful of Bundaberg Rum. He was growing increasingly frustrated with his demons. They were so incompetent he wondered why he hadn't killed them yet. Then he remembered he needed his demons to track down Sam Winchester and kidnap him. It wouldn't be easy though. The Winchesters were very good at hiding and they had friends in high places.

"Azazel! Lilith! Ruby! Uriel! Meg! Alistair!" Lucifer roared, calling upon his six most faithful followers. Immediately, his demon friends appeared anxiously awaiting orders from their Master. "I have orders for you."

"What are they?" Azazel asked, his yellow eyes peering curiously into Lucifer's.

"Uriel," he started, turning to face the bulky angel. "Spy on those friends of yours but don't blow your cover. Report back to me every weekend on Sunday."

Uriel nodded. "Yes Master."

Lucifer turned to Lilith. "You will continue to taunt Sam Winchester to make him angry but do not hurt him."

The blonde demon nodded. "As you command."

"And Ruby, teach Sam how to harness his powers and fill his mind with lies to turn Dean against him."

Ruby nodded. "Yes Master."

"Now Azazel... I'll need you to track down the Winchesters."

Azazel nodded pleased he has an important task. "Alright."

Lucifer sat back down on his leather couch and smirked to himself. "Meg, I want you to deal with that pretty boy angel Castiel. He's interfering with my plans and he must be stopped."

Meg smirked. "Got it."

"Now get out of here!" he yelled, pointing a finger at the door. Five out of the six walked out the door. "Why are you still here?" he demanded, eyeing Alistair warily.

Alistair fidgeted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. "What are my orders?"

Lucifer pondered his response. He didn't have any orders for Alistair. "I don't have any orders for you. Get out of my sight!"

Alistair hung his head down low and slowly walked out the door mumbling under his breath. He didn't understand why Lucifer hated him. What had he ever done wrong? He believed he served Lucifer faithfully, torturing victims that displeased his master. He also baked brownies for his master but for some reason, Lucifer never ate them. In fact, he always gave his brownies to the Hell Hounds. Were his brownies the reason why Lucifer hated him?

As soon as Alistair had left the room, Lucifer grabbed his iPod and placed a pair of earphones in his ears. ACDC's 'Hells Bells' started to play and Lucifer found himself moving to the beat of the music. "This song definitely suits me," he said, smirking. He grabbed a pen, a piece of paper and a piece of cardboard and placed them on his lap.

"Now... I need to build a school. Those demons are so incompetent," he muttered bitterly. "I hate demons..." Of course, he wouldn't tell them that. The demons believed he was sort of saint. "Hmm... what subjects should I have? Ooh, I know. Winchester Study Class, Weapons That Are Harmful Class, How to Last More Than Ten Seconds in a Fight, Lucifer is the Best Class and finally, recess. Oh and of course, Demon Bible Study Class," he said aloud, writing the subjects down on his piece of paper.

"Yo Lucifer!" Azazel shouted, running into the room excitedly.

Lucifer groaned. What now? "What do you want?" he asked rudely, glaring at Azazel. "Can't you see I'm busy?" he demanded, raising his classic iPod in the air.

Azazel gazed at the iPod admiringly. He always wanted one but Lucifer wouldn't let him have one. Apparently, he wasn't responsible enough. He sighed to himself. He didn't understand it – he chose the special kid. If it wasn't for him, Lucifer would still be trapped. "The Winchesters are in town."

Lucifer pulled out his earphones and sat upright in his chair interested. "Where?"

"They are with Jo and Ellen, shopping with that angel Castiel. Apparently, Dean wants to buy Castiel a new trench coat," he explained.

Lucifer frowned. Castiel was a very peculiar angel. Seriously, trench coat shopping? "Is Sam Winchester with them?" he asked. He didn't care about Jo, Ellen, Dean and Castiel. He wanted Sam. "I want Sam, Azazel."

Azazel raised an eyebrow slightly disturbed. "Erm ok."

"But not in sexual way!" Lucifer shouted. "You demons need to get your heads out of the gutter!" he said exasperatedly. "You are demons are incompetent!" he said throwing the pen at Azazel. Azazel used his mind powers and stopped the pen in mid air. Lucifer glared. Azazel allowed the pen to hit him. Lucifer wasn't satisfied; he picked up his paper document and hurled it at Azazel. Azazel ducked and made a break for the exit. He didn't want to hang around Lucifer when he was in a crabby mood. Who knows what would happen?

.

I have no idea what possessed me write this but I thought I'd give the bad guys a shot at humour. Basically, it's a humour/parody story about Lucifer trying to get through to Sam by training his demons to become soldiers. Meanwhile, the angels have heard about Lucifer's school and they plan to put a stop to it. If you liked it, please leave a review


	2. Angels, Trench Coats and Meat Suits

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Indigo1100, MariamTiarko, saints and sailors, Silv3r Ang3l, Vanessa B, DancerInTheDark101, TheMacUnleashed and Padackles for reviewing.

**.**

**Chapter One: Angels, Trench Coats and Meat Suits**

Zachariah glanced at the other angels calmly. He had called upon the important angels to discuss Lucifer's school. The mention of Lucifer sent chills down his spine. Why on earth did Lucifer create a school? Was he trying to educate all his demons about the dangers of Heaven? If so, they were in more trouble than what they first thought.

"I have called you all here today to discuss Lucifer and his school," said Zachariah, standing up and walking to the middle of the circle. "Lucifer's dangerous and powerful; but he is not at full strength," he added. "His vessel it's just a vessel and it's weak. In order to use unleash his full power, he needs Sam Winchester," he explained.

"What about Michael?" another angel asked. "He can stop Lucifer."

The other angels nodded in agreement.

"Let him take Sam Winchester! Victory will be much sweeter that way," said another angel.

"Michael will need his true vessel to take down Lucifer," Zachariah said. "Dean will not say 'yes' though."

"And neither will Sam," said Castiel, entering the room and dusting his trench coat. "We are strong enough to defeat Lucifer in his weakened vessel."

"We will not defeat Lucifer. Michael is the one who will defeat him using Dean," explained Zachariah. "It is destiny. Ah Anna, you have arrived," he added, turning his head in the direction of a tall red-haired angel.

Anna stepped forwards and took her place in her seat. "Sam Winchester must die!" she declared.

Castiel felt a little part of his soul die looking at her. He admired Anna deeply but it hurt him to hear her say things like that. "Anna..." he started, gazing at her admiringly.

Anna turned to face him. "What?" she asked, disinterested. She didn't care too much for Castiel; too much of a pansy in her eyes. At school he'd always get beaten up by the arch-angels and he needed the help of humans to get anywhere. He wasn't very independent. Anna liked strong dominate angels, like Raphael and Uriel. Even Dean, although human, appealed to her. But not Castiel.

Raphael and Uriel traded smirks. They knew Castiel had a crush on Anna. And they knew Anna couldn't stand him. But Castiel didn't know. "I agree with Anna; Sam Winchester must die," said Uriel.

Anna smiled in Uriel's direction. Castiel frowned. _Look and smile at me! _He thought. _Maybe it's this trench coat... I should get rid of it. _He glanced down at his coat. _But I like this trench coat... _While Castiel was too busy admiring his wonderful taste in clothing, Anna was busy explaining how killing Sam Winchester would benefit society.

"If we kill Sam Winchester, Lucifer won't have his true vessel."

A blonde angel sitting next to Zachariah shook her head. "But he could just resurrect Sam."

"Not if we scatter his cells around the Earth," she said, a triumphant smirk appearing on her features.

The angels all fell silent letting Anna's words sink in. It was a good plan. Zachariah was not impressed however. "No. Sam and Dean must become the vessels. Michael will kill Lucifer. That is what is meant to happen," he snapped. Sometimes angels could be frustrating.

Gabriel muttered in agreement, whilst playing with his matchsticks. "Yeah. They need to play the roles destiny has given them," he said, throwing a matchstick in the air for no reason. He wanted cards to play with, but Raphael stole them to build his castle of cards. _Stupid prick, _he thought sourly.

"If we're not killing Sam Winchester, then how do you propose we stop him from saying 'yes' to Lucifer?" asked Anna.

"We send our students to Lucifer's school," answered Zachariah, earning shocked gasp from the angels. "Not all will attend though... only the selected few." He glanced around the room, sizing up the other angels. "Anna, Castiel, Uriel, Gabriel and Raphael – you will enrol. Dean, Sam, Becky, Jo and Chuck will also be attending."

"What about Bobby and Ellen?"

"No, they are too old for school. Now... enough discussion, you have to go now." Zachariah pointed a finger at the door. "Go."

All the angels stood up from their respective named chairs and exited the room.

.

"So... demon school?" said Dean, looking up from his burger wrapper at Sam. "Sounds like we'll be having a hell of a time there," he added with a laugh.

Sam sighed. "Not funny Dean. Seriously, we're going to be surrounded by demons! Demons Dean!" he said exasperatedly.

"Yeah Sammy, I heard you the first time," mumbled Dean. "Why are we even going to school?" he asked.

Sam shrugged. "Not sure really. I guess the angels want to keep an eye on them."

"And they're using us?"

Sam nodded. "That seems to be the case."

"I am sick of being used by those douchebags!" he complained, throwing his burger wrapper on the floor. "I don't give a crap about their problems with their brother; go find another planet. Leave ours alone!" he declared. He was seriously growing tired of it.

Sam sighed again. "I know Dean, but we're a part of it. We started it; we have to end it," he reasoned.

"We are not going to say 'yes' to those dicks," Dean muttered. "Team Free Will all the way."

"Yeah... come on Dean, Ellen, Jo and Castiel are on their way over now. We have to get ready for school."

Dean wrinkled his nose with disgust. "School." Grumpily, he stood up from his chair, walked over to the opposite end of the table and grabbed his jacket. Just as soon as he grabbed his jacket, the door bell rang. "Coming!" he yelled, and walked over to the front door. Placing his hand on the knob, he turned it and found himself staring at Ellen, Jo and a confused Castiel.

"What a strange noise it makes," Castiel said, squinting at the door bell. He pressed the door bell and jumped back in surprise at the tune.

Dean, Sam, Ellen and Jo exchanged grins. It was funny having an angel around. Castiel was different from the others. He still remained serious but he was slowly adapting human mannerisms. "So... ready for demon school?" Dean lightly asked.

Jo rolled her eyes. "Of course."

Sam and Dean exited their hotel room and led the way to the Impala. Ellen and Jo climbed in the backseat and Sam and Dean took their seats at the front, with Dean behind the wheel. Castiel stood outside the car and glanced around. "Um Cass? We are in here," said Dean.

"Oh," was his simple response as he climbed into the backseat.

"So what's happening with the angels?" Dean asked.

"We had a meeting this morning. Anna wants to kill Sam Winchester," he said, looking at Sam. "But Zachariah won't allow that to happen."

Dean sighed. "That's good then."

"Dean, do you think I could buy some new clothing?" Castiel suddenly asked, surprising them all.

Dean almost stopped the car in shock. "What? Is this about school and making a good first impression?" He fell silent. "You wanna impress the females don't you?" he asked jokingly. "Who is it? Anna?"

Castiel didn't reply. He fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Who is Anna?" Jo asked.

"An angel," replied Castiel.

Jo rolled her eyes. "Obviously, but what does she look like?"

"Like a female," he replied bluntly.

Jo turned to face Dean and Sam instead. "Well?"

"She's an angel bitch who wants me dead," said Sam. He was growing tired of it. Everyone wanted him dead. He was surprised it hadn't become a hit song yet... or at least a slogan.

"What he said," said Dean, turning the corner. After a few minutes of driving, Dean finally came to a stop. "We're here," he remarked, climbing out of the car. "We won't be long – just wait here. Come on Cass."

Instead of climbing out of the car Castiel transported himself outside. He found cars confining. Castiel followed Dean inside the shop and was amazed at all the trenchcoats available. "There are so many."

"Yeah, find one that you like."

Castiel quickly scanned the trenchcoats then frowned. "I do not like them."

Dean stared at him in disbelief. "Seriously?"

Castiel frowned. "Yes. The Devil waits. We must go."

Dean sighed deeply and exited the store with Castiel following close behind him.

.

Lucifer took another swig of his rum and tapped his fingers on the surface of the table. He was growing impatient – what was taking Uriel so long? The task he had given him wasn't that hard to achieve.

"LUCIFER!" Uriel yelled, suddenly appearing in Lucifer's private quarters.

"About time. What news do you have for me?"

"Zachariah wants to enrol his favourite angels in your school."

Lucifer growled. How dare Zachariah spy on him? "What?"

Uriel nodded. "You're not going to let him are you? After all, this is a demon school."

Lucifer sat back in his fluffy chair and considered it. The angels wouldn't dare attack him, especially not with hundreds of demons around. He smirked. "Yes... let his angels in."

"Um... are you sure? They're angels."

"Are you forgetting I'm an angel Uriel? I believe you are one too," he said knowingly. "Let them in."

"Ok. Well, they are at the shops now," said Uriel. "But they're coming."

Lucifer opened his mouth to reply when Alistair burst through the doors. "Master!" he cried happily, holding a plate of cookies. "I baked cookies for you!" he added. He jogged over to Lucifer and offered him a biscuit. "Take it!"

Lucifer glanced up at Alistair and then at the cookie in his hand. He hoped Alistair didn't poison it with the blood of his torture victims. He shook his head. Buying that Operation Surgery game was a bad idea. At first, it was harmless and it helped keep Alistair off his back. But a fixation for cutting people opened developed and all of a sudden, Alistair was cutting open real people.

He took the cookie and took a small bite. Alistair was looking at him eagerly, a big smile plastered on his face. He urged Lucifer to take another bite. He took another small bite then stopped chewing. Something was wrong – the cookie didn't taste like a cookie anymore. "Argh!" he shouted, and spat the cookie out. "Take your terrible cooking away!" he yelled.

Alistair looked at him shocked and hurt. "But Master..."

"Leave or I'll make you leave!" Lucifer threatened, waving his empty glass bottle.

Alistair refused to budge. He was still in shock. Lucifer sighed and using his powers, picked up Alistair and threw him out the window. A loud 'aaaahhhhh' and 'THUD' soon followed. "He's such an idiot." He sighed and shook his head. "Now Uriel, go back to the Order of Heaven and play your role. Do not blow your cover."

Uriel nodded. "Yes Master." Quickly, he exited the room.

.

After spending about an hour at the clothes shop, Dean had finally driven them to the school. "That's... that's different," remarked Dean, stepping out of the car. "Kinda looks like a gothic castle or something." Dean was correct. The building resembled a castle that looked kinda like Dracula's.

"Well... you better get going," remarked Ellen. "I'm going to pay Bobby a visit. You keep safe okay?"

Dean, Sam and Jo nodded. "Sure thing."

Ellen waved them goodbye and drove off in the Impala. As soon as Ellen had disappeared from sight, the four made their way over to the front door of the building. Standing on top of the stairs was Lucifer. Upon seeing the Winchesters, he smirked. "Now that we have all arrived, I'd like to thank you all for choosing to enrol here."

Sam glanced around at the crowd. He recognized a few faces – Meg, Alistair and Azazel. He was sure the other well known demons were there but he couldn't see them. Where was Ruby? He squinted and observed the crowd more closely, trying to catch sight of his secret demon girlfriend. He hadn't told Dean and he didn't plan on doing so either.

"Sam!" a familiar voice cried out.

Sam turned around and saw Ruby smiling up at him. "Ruby."

"So glad you enrolled. Lucifer's really happy you decided to attend," she said, smirking. "In fact, he's chosen a special seat for you in each class. You're right at the front so he can keep a close eye on you."

Sam sighed. It was going to be a long day. "Great..."

"He's even given you and your friends name badges," she said happily, handing over some badges.

Sam scanned them. One read, 'Damsel in Distress'. He suspected that belonged to Jo although he wasn't sure why. The next badge read, 'Pansy'. He stifled a laugh. He was certain that was Castiel's. He groaned inwardly at the label on the next badge. 'Dean Winchester.' _How original, _he thought. "Where's mine?"

"Yours is the best," she said, handing him his badge.

Sam glanced down and groaned. "Lucifer's Meat Suit." _Great. I'm no longer Sam Winchester anymore. _


	3. Angels and Demons

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Indigo1100, Padackles and TheMacUnleashed, DancerInTheDark101, MariamTiarko, Beizanten and saints and sailors for reviewing.

**.**

**Chapter Two: Angels and Demons**

"It's Anna!" Castiel whispered excitedly, pointing a finger at Anna.

"It's rude to point Castiel," said Dean, scoldingly.

Castiel dropped his arm to his side and continued to watch her hopefully. Anna didn't pay him any attention at all, instead walked over to Dean, twirling a lock of red hair around her finger. "Hi Dean," she said, smiling wildly.

Dean grinned back, pleased a hot girl made the effort to approach and start a conversation with him. "Hi Anna."

"Hi Anna," said Castiel, almost blurting the words out.

Anna snapped her head at his direction and made a face of disgust. "Ew. Why are you hanging out with him?" she asked, turning her attention back to Dean. Castiel was the lowest of angels. He basically had an invisible sign above his head saying, 'stay away from me – I suck'.

Dean raised an eyebrow and looked at Castiel. "He's my friend," he replied casually.

Anna shook her head. "I can't talk to you when he is around, bye Dean," she said, giving him a small wave before storming off into the direction of the arch-angels.

Castiel frowned, deeply hurt. "Why does she hate me?" he asked meekly, looking down at the ground.

Dean placed a hand on his shoulder. "She'll get over it when she realizes those douchebag arch-angels aren't worth it," he said, trying to reassure Castiel. "And come on, there has to be more hot female angels."

Castiel shook his head. "Anna is won Hottest Female Angel of the Year," he commented. "She wins it every year," he added as an afterthought. Dean wasn't sure how to respond instead glanced around the area for Sam. He found Sam standing between two girls – Ruby and Meg. "Sam?" Dean called out.

Sam glanced over his shoulder and noticed Dean. "Hi Dean..."

"What's up?"

Sam sighed heavily. "Meg and Ruby are fighting over me," he commented, rolling his eyes. "They're both arguing over Lucifer's orders. Meg claims Lucifer told her to guide me and Ruby makes the same claim."

Dean smirked to himself. "Sam, you have two hot girls fighting over you, what's not to like?"

"They're demons Dean," Sam remarked.

"Didn't stop you before," Dean retorted, remembering the relationship between his brother and Ruby. "But enough about the past, where is..." Dean was cut mid-sentence when a voice called out his name. Dean and Sam both turned around and noticed Castiel lying on the floor. "Cass?" Dean called out, running over to his friend. Sam followed closely behind, also concerned for their angel friend.

"Ouch..." Castiel muttered, holding his nose. "Stupid arch-angels..." he muttered, wiping blood away.

"Did they bash you up?" Dean asked knowingly. Raphael and Gabriel were downright pricks. All this over a girl? Where was he; at highschool again?

Castiel nodded. "They think I'm weak Dean," he remarked sadly. "How am I supposed to get Anna's attention if I keep getting bashed up by the archangels?"

"Wow, you really like this girl." Dean was amazed by his confession. He never expected Castiel to announce his feelings for Anna. Frankly, she seemed like a bitch but he didn't want to dissuade Castiel from pursuing her. "I'll help you!" he announced. He was about to say more when a cat fight occurred.

"Bitch! He's mine!" Meg yelled, slapping Ruby across the face.

Ruby growled and pulled Meg's hair. "Don't slap me!"

Meg hissed. "Leave my hair alone!"

Ruby sneered. "My hair is better than yours!"

Meg shook her head. "No way, my hair is better!"

"What the hell..." Dean muttered under his breath watching the two demons fight. Sam was just as confused and simply watched the two girls bitch fight.

"Sam is mine!"

"No, he's mine! I possessed him!" Meg declared, thinking she had won.

Ruby grinned. "I had sex with him," she whispered.

Meg's eyes widened with jealousy and anger. "WHAT?" she shrieked. "You bitch!" she screamed, throwing herself at Ruby knocking her to the ground. A fight involving slapping, clawing and hair pulling began. Both girls continued to scream and hurl insults at each other, completely oblivious to the crowd that had now formed around them.

"Children," a voice spoke calmly. Hearing the voice, Ruby and Meg both stopped fighting. "There is no need to fight."

"Father!" both girls replied. "She started it!" Ruby and Meg both pointed at each other.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Silly girls. "I don't want to hear any complaints about who started the fight. This is a place of harmony and peace, not war." _Let's see if that worked, _he thought, an evil smirk crossing his features. Both Ruby and Meg exchanged worried glances. Could they believe him? When Lucifer smirked (which was pretty much all the time), they knew trouble was looming. Lucifer turned his attention away from the girls and glanced over at his future vessel. "Hello Sam," he greeted warmly, extending a hand out towards him.

Sam didn't want to shake his hand but with a whole school of demons watching him, he decided to accept the handshake. No point in angering Lucifer now. Not yet anyway. "Hi," he replied politely, unsure of how to respond to Lucifer.

"I see you have your name tags," he commented, glancing at the badge on Sam.

"I gave them Father!" Ruby declared, jumping forward.

Lucifer waved her away. "Whatever... now Sam, I have a special seat for you. It has your name so no excuses for not sitting there."

A wave of depression overcame Sam. This was ridiculous. What was he, five years old? He didn't need a named chair. "I don't need a named chair," he replied, through gritted teeth.

Lucifer shook his head calmly. "You're at the very front Sam," he said, ignoring Sam's comment. "Because you're special," he added. "Being a special child grants you some awesome benefits."

"What?"

"You get a fifty percent discount at the canteen and you get to sit at the front in every class," Lucifer said. "Pretty good right?"

Sam was lost for words. He knew Lucifer was evil, but he didn't know he was a nutter. "Erm... yeah..."

"And that's not all. You're also very lucky to have me as your personal tutor."

"Personal... tutor?" Just what he wanted an evil madman as his tutor. "I don't need a tutor."

"It's okay Sam, you know I'd never hurt you... not really," Lucifer replied.

What was that supposed to mean? Sam was about to ask for details but was stopped by an angry Dean. "Stay away from him you evil son of a bitch!" Dean cursed.

Lucifer sighed. "Alistair, take Dean away!" he yelled.

"Coming Master!" Alistair announced happily, running to stand next to his master. "Hi Dean!" he said, grinning happily at Dean.

Dean's eyes widened with terror. Alistair? "..."

"We're going to have so much fun together! I bought a new surgery game! It's so much fun! And you can help me cook!" Alistair beamed happily.

Lucifer smirked. "Alistair's in charge of detention," he commented, enjoying the fear on Dean's face. "Enjoy the cooking!" he taunted as Dean was whisked away by Alistair. "Now Sam, I shall show you to your first class which just happens to be taught by me," he remarked lightly.

Sam groaned inwardly. He couldn't believe this. He'd rather be in detention with Alistair than be stuck in a class with Lucifer. "Oh joy," he said, following Lucifer towards his first class. _This is gonna suck. _

.

Chapter shorter than previous one, but will lengthen as plot thickens. I have a few questions that I'd like to ask:

Do you want to see an angel centred chapter or a demon centred chapter?

If yes for the angel chapter, which angel/s would you like to read more about?

If yes for the demon chapter, which demon/s would you like to read more about?

Thanks for reading! Review please!


	4. Detention with Alistair

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Indigo1100, Beizantean, MariamTiarko, Tanya Rayne, history, Werewolf Girl 22, Padackles and TheMacUnleashed for reviewing.

**.**

**Chapter Three: Detention with Alistair**

Dean followed Alistair towards the detention room, his head hung low. He couldn't believe it; stuck with Alistair for an hour. He'd rather deal with crazy pagan Gods than psychotic torture master. "So... what happens in detention?" Dean asked cautiously.

Alistair glanced over his shoulder and flashed Dean a big, toothy grin. "We're gonna perform surgery!" he replied excitedly, clapping his hands together. Dean's eyes widened at the idea. Surgery? What kind of school was this? "Lucifer was kind enough to buy me a surgery game," Alistair explained. "It's really awesome, the nose lights up when something goes wrong."

Oh dear, thought Dean. This was going to be awful. "Great... sounds fantastic," he muttered sarcastically.

Alistair grinned again. "And you can help me cook! I've always wanted someone to share my cooking recipes with," he said happily. He clapped his hand on Dean's shoulder and tightened his grip causing Dean to flinch. "We're going to have so much fun!"

Dean was worried. He wasn't sure if he preferred evil torture master Alistair or high-on-sugar Alistair. Right now he was leaning towards the latter. "What are we going to cook?" he asked fearfully. He sure hoped Alistair didn't plan on killing rats and eating them raw. That would be beyond gross.

"Well I was thinking we could bake some chocolate slice or perhaps some apple pie," Alistair replied calmly. "Lucifer likes apple pie, so he might enjoy this." He frowned. Why didn't Lucifer like his cooking anyway? It wasn't that bad... right? "Dean, could you do me a favour?" He asked, turning his attention on Dean.

Dean shuddered, but forced himself to look at Alistair directly. "What kind of favour?"

"Would you like to be my taste-tester?"

Dean knew better than to disagree so he nodded. "Sure," he replied, faking happiness. "I'd love to." Alistair flashed him another toothy grin and Dean forced a grin in return. What had he gotten himself into? He certainly hoped Alistair's cooking wasn't as bad as it was rumoured to be otherwise he'd never get around to killing the Devil. Alistair didn't reply, instead he hummed a merry tune under his breath and led Dean into a dark room. Alistair turned the lights on and Dean was very shocked. He did not expect this. "Fairies and unicorns, Alistair?" he asked, surprised. How evil. "I expected something more... dark," he added.

Alistair gasped. "Never!" he replied as if offended by Dean's words. "Fairies and unicorns are cute! Dark things are evil and yucky," he replied with a shudder. "If you want dark and nasty, you should check out Lucifer's room." He shuddered at the thought. Lucifer's room had pictures of evil rabbits and showerheads. It truly was Hell.

Dean was definitely worried. Showerheads? It was official. All evil guys were crazy. He shook his head. What on earth had happened to psycho Alistair? "What happened to old you... you know, torture master Alistair?"

"Lucifer gave me a new life," Alistair replied. "You could call it a fresh start." He grabbed a cooking book recipe and placed it on the table. "What would you prefer Dean? Apple pie or chocolate slice?" Both sounded appetizing... especially the pie, but Dean reminded himself Alistair was cooking which meant the pie probably wouldn't taste like pie.

Dean shrugged. What a hard choice to make. Both were as bad as each other. "Um... hmm, I think I'll try my luck with the pie," he replied. At least it was pie.

Alistair smiled happily. "An excellent choice! I shall start baking straight away! Feel free to keep yourself occupied, Dean." He pointed to a random cupboard. "The surgery game is in there. Do you think you could assemble the body for me?"

It wasn't a question. Sighing to himself, Dean walked over to the cupboard and pulled out the surgery game and carried it over to the table. He couldn't believe he was playing along with this. He'd rather be in Lucifer's classroom learning. Anything was better than this torture. "So... I just grab these body pieces and place them on the board?" Dean asked, grabbing the bag of body pieces.

Alistair nodded. "Yes." He was impressed. If Lucifer allowed, maybe Alistair could take Dean on as his apprentice? He could get twice as much cooking done with Dean's help.

Dean sighed again and started placing the clay pieces onto the human body sketch. "Okay, the nose goes on the face," he said aloud, placing the nose on the person's face. Once placed on the board, the nose flashed red. Dean was shocked. Had he done something wrong? He was certain noses belonged on the face. "Uh Alistair? Why is the nose flashing?"

"Oh, it does that," replied Alistair. "It usually flashes red when you've done something wrong, but because it's the first piece it's just a sign saying you're correct," he explained. He hoped Dean understood that. It took several hours for Alistair to comprehend the complex rules of the game.

Dean grinned to himself. He was pretty good at this. He grabbed two arms and placed them on the body in the correct areas then he grabbed the legs and added it to the body. The person was beginning to look like an actual human now. In a matter of minutes, Dean had successfully assembled all the pieces correctly. "Now what?"

"You perform surgery. The utensils are in the other bag. To start the game, just flick the surgery on button," Alistair explained.

Dean nodded and followed Alistair's instructions. "You must perform open heart surgery," said Dean, reading the steps to the first level. "Sounds difficult." He flexed his fingers and grabbed a knife. "A steak knife?" Dean asked, holding up the plastic knife.

"It's a cheap version of the game," he replied. "You don't get to use the real equipment."

"Just cooking and eating utensils," said Dean, turning back to his 'patient'. He took a deep breath in and carefully cut open the clay chest to get at the heart. He wiped his forehead. He couldn't believe he was sweating over a fake surgery! "Pull yourself together, Dean." Concentration was very important.

"How are you doing?" Alistair asked, as he mixed his ingredients together.

Alistair's voice ruined Dean's concentration causing him to plunge the knife into the patient's clay heart. "Dammit Alistair! You killed the patient!" Dean growled angrily, glaring at him.

Alistair cringed under Dean's intense glare. "Sorry," he said, hanging his head down in shame.

Dean decided he didn't want to kill the patient again, so he left the table and walked over to Alistair's side watching him mix the pie ingredients. At least it looked like a normal colour. "How long until the pie is ready?" He was getting hungry.

"About an hour," he responded, placing the pie inside the oven. He took a seat at the table and glanced up at the ceiling. "I certainly hope Lucifer appreciates the pie."

Dean frowned. "I thought the pie was for me?"

"You get to try it and then you can tell me if it's good enough for Lucifer," Alistair replied. He crossed his fingers under the table. He certainly hoped his pie passed the test.

**.**

What should the next chapter focus on? Castiel and his issues with his brothers or Sam and his lessons with Lucifer? Your choice. Review please


	5. The Devil's Teachings

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Indigo1100, xxjhopsterxx, xXxShiniXKazexXx, MariamTiarko, Indigo Nights, kiki, Padackles, Werewolf Girl 22, TheMacUnleashed, webrech and maxibatts for reviewing.

**.**

**Chapter Four: The Devil's Teachings**

Sam couldn't believe his luck. He was sitting in a classroom in a special chair with demons around him. It made him nervous, especially with Lucifer staring directly at him. Why was he looking at him like that? Sam shuddered. Relationships between students and teachers were frowned upon. Lucifer stood up from his chair and walked in front of his desk. "As you all know, I've started up this school to educate you. I believe education is extremely important."

The demons around Sam all nodded. Sam rolled his eyes; he couldn't believe the demons were so gullible. Any fool could see Lucifer was lying. He didn't give a rats ass about education... he just wanted to wear Sam to the prom. But it wasn't going to happen. Lucifer needed his consent and Sam was not going to give it up. Sam shuddered at the thought. All this thinking about consent made him think of laws relating to rape. Would Lucifer attempt to rape him to get inside? He shook his head. Bad thoughts, he thought.

"A large majority of you sitting in this classroom have been killed. It's only because of me you are alive," Lucifer stated, a displeased look on his face. Demons were seriously incompetent. "Of course, you were killed by the Winchesters..." Lucifer's gaze rested on Sam, before refocusing back on his students. "...But it is not acceptable. Most of you can't even last five seconds in a fight!" The demons hung their heads sadly. Lucifer was correct; they were weaklings. But Lucifer didn't understand. He was an angel, not a demon. Luckily for him, the Winchesters didn't have angel-killing weapons or powers otherwise he'd most certainly be dead.

"Before I continue, I'm going to take the attendance. Please say 'here' upon hearing your name." Lucifer glanced down at the piece of paper on his clipboard. "Azazel?" Azazel was perhaps his favourite and most successful. He had managed to infect Sam after all.

Azazel smiled proudly, happy he was first called. "Here!" Lucifer didn't call out names in alphabetical order; he organized the roll by hierarchy; the strongest at the top and the weakest most pitiful (like Alistair) at the bottom of the list. "Lililth?" Lilith played an important role bringing Sam to the chapel; without Lilith sacrificing herself he would not be walking the earth.

"Here!"

"Meg?" Meg was like a daughter to him. She was loyal and obedient. She carried out his orders with no questions.

"Here!"

"Crowley?" Lucifer asked disgust in his tone. He knew Crowley was out to get him.

"Here!"

"Ruby!" Sam's demon lover. Lucifer had to hand it to her; she certainly did an excellent job in persuading Sam to use his powers. Perhaps he ought to give her a box of chocolate as a reward? He smirked to himself. That was a very good reward.

"Here!"

"The Crossroads Demon?" He didn't think much of the crossroads demon.

"Here!"

"And Sam?" He knew Sam was present, but he had to go through the names.

"Here," Sam replied unenthusiastically. Lucifer frowned; he wanted Sam to be happy. After all, learning was meant to be fun. He sighed and continued with the role. Alistair. Alistair was the last person on the list, but he was currently busy in detention with Dean so he didn't have to worry about dealing with him this lesson. He placed the clipboard on the table and turned to face the class. "I'm going to teach you the alphabet today."

The demons all smiled happily all except for Sam. Sam was not impressed. The alphabet? What were they, five years old? Sam decided to voice his displeasure out aloud. "The alphabet?" Sam questioned.

Lucifer nodded. "Yes, it's very important. Ok class, you must learn the alphabet. Turn and face the board," he ordered, directing the classes' attention to the white board. He grabbed a white board marker and started writing down the letters of the alphabet. The final list looked like this:

A is for APOCALYPSE

B is for BROWNIE

C is for CONSENT

D is for DEMON

E is for EXORCISM

F is for FLIGHT 401

G is for GHOUL

H is for HELL

I is for IMPALA

J is for JOKER

K is for KEY OF SOLOMON

L is for LUCIFER

M is for MEATSUIT

N is for NO

O is for OCCULT

P is for POSESSION

Q is for QUESTION

R is for ROUTE 666

S is for SIN

T is for TEMPTATION

U is for UNDEAD

V is for VIRGIN

W is for WINCHESTER

X is for XENOPHOBE

Y is for YES

Z is for ZEBRA

Lucifer rubbed his hands together delightfully. That took a lot of work. He glanced at Sam. "That will be your homework. Learning the alphabet." It was a very hard task to do. He was sure most of his demons would fail. He knew Sam would pass though; Sam was incredibly gifted. The alphabet would be easy to master, but he was sure the next task would be incredibly difficult.

Sam raised his hand in the air. "Um, I have a question. Well... two questions actually."

"What are they?"

"Uh... how is learning the alphabet important and why zebra?"

Lucifer frowned. That was a good question, but he had an answer for it. "Answering the latter first... I couldn't think of anything supernatural that started with Z. Secondly...Sam, one of these days you might have to recite the alphabet to save your life. If you don't know the alphabet, how do you expect to pass?" Lucifer answered, grinning proudly. It was a very good answer.

By this point Sam knew Lucifer was indeed a complete nutter. Being stuck in hell for all those centuries must have turned him crazy. No wonder Lucifer wanted him as his vessel – his sanity was in check. But he wasn't going to pick a fight with the Devil – although completely insane, Lucifer was extremely powerful. "Ok thanks."

"Now you're next task is much more difficult. If you master this, you will be able to use your hands to manipulate small objects. This skill will be useful to you later on," Lucifer started.

"What's the task Father?" Meg asked, leaning forward in her chair.

"Ah yes, I forgot to mention earlier: You must call me Father from now on. Thank you Meg for reminding me." Meg grinned, pleased with the approval. "Your second task requires you to put this doll together," he said, holding up a Barbie doll for them all to see.

Sam wished the floor would open up and swallow him. This was ridiculous. A Barbie doll? "A Barbie doll?" he said aloud. He never thought Lucifer would be the one to play with dolls... especially Barbie dolls.

Lucifer beamed Sam a smile. "Yes. Dolls are quite frightening creatures."

Sam couldn't argue with him on that. Dolls were pretty scary. "So we just have to grab a doll and assemble the pieces together?" Sounded simple.

Lucifer nodded. "Yes. Now you're third and final task is much more difficult than the first two tasks combined." All the demons exchanged worried glances with each other. The third task must be extremely hard. Reciting the alphabet and making dolls was hard enough, but something harder than that? Even Sam was intrigued. "Your final task is to sing a nursery rhyme in front of your fellow classmates."

All the demons and even Sam gasped. That was a difficult task. None of them were trained singers. "A nursery rhyme?" Ruby asked.

Lucifer cleared his throat. "Incy wincy spider climbing up the spout. Down came the rain, and washed poor Incy out. Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain. And Incy Wincy spider went climbing up again," he sung, doing the various hand actions with it. "That is what you are required to do. You have two weeks for the nursery rhyme task; when you have chosen a rhyme, write your name down on the list. Class dismissed." He pointed at a random light bulb and clicked his fingers, making the light bulb explode.

Sam followed the rest of the demons out of the classroom, his head hung low. What had he gotten himself into?

.

What rhymes would you like to see the demons and Sam sing? Suggestions greatly appreciated : )


	6. To Hell With You!

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Indigo1100, xxjhopsterxx, Indigo Nights, maxibatts, Beizantean, Werewolf Girl 22, littleprilroses, TheMacUnleashed and xXxShiniXKazexXx for reviewing.

**.**

**Chapter Five: To Hell With You!**

Dean finally was allowed to leave the detention room, after spending at least an hour taste testing Alistair's pie. Usually, he couldn't resist pie, but Alistair's pies were beyond awful. Feeling sick in the stomach Dean ran down the hallway until he crashed into a terrified looking Sam. He raised an eyebrow. "What's up with you?" he asked a hand over his stomach.

Sam shuddered. Clearly, he did not want to talk about his experience, but he knew Dean would continue pressing for details until he gave in. "Lucifer… wants us to… recite children's poems…" he shuddered again.

Dean would usually crack a joke at Sam's expense, but his stomach wasn't feeling up to it. "I'd rather recite poetry than taste test pies." He shuddered. Those pies were beyond nasty.

Now it was Sam's turn to question Dean. "What happened?"

"Alistair made me eat his pies."

"Why is that a bad thing? I thought you loved pies?" Sam questioned, slightly confused. Everytime they drove past a pie shop, Dean always had to park in front of the store.

Memories of the foul taste of the pie flashed through Dean's mind and he shuddered visibly. "They were beyond awful."

Alistair didn't look like a chef. "I'll take your word for it," Sam replied, secretly happy he had lessons with Lucifer. Reciting children's poems certainly was less painful that enduring stomach pains from bad cooking. No wonder Lucifer enjoyed beating up Alistair.

"HELP!" a familiar voice shouted. Sam and Dean exchanged worried glances; someone was in danger. Both ran towards the source of the voice and were both surprised to see Castiel lying on the ground bloodied and bruised. Castiel noticed Dean and lifted a trembling finger at the culprit: Raphael.

Dean glared at Raphael. "You bastard! What did you do?" he demanded.

Raphael's face was devoid of any emotion. "Castiel needs to learn to toughen up."

Dean considered Raphael's words. Castiel wasn't the toughest of angels, but Dean didn't think lacking strength was a reason to be abused. "By beating him up? That won't teach him anything!" he shouted angrily. "What's the real reason behind this abuse?"

Raphael remained emotionless. "We are preparing for the formal."

"Formal?" Sam repeated.

Raphael nodded. "Every year the angels are required to choose a partner for the annual dance." He turned his head to face Castiel. "And Castiel thinks he can get Anna." His expression darkened.

Dean raised his eyes knowingly. "Ah... jealousy, I see."

"Anna thinks Castiel is a fool and she agreed to become my partner if I beat up Castiel in the school grounds," Raphael explained, speaking in monotone.

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You bash up other angels just for a bitchy angel? You guys are dicks!" he exclaimed exasperated. He ran over to Castiel and helped his angel friend up from the floor. Castiel sniffed. Using the back of his left hand, he wiped his eyes. He had never felt so humiliated before in his life. He hung his head shamefully. "Now look what you did! You made Castiel cry!" Dean shouted at Raphael. No one made his friends cry. Forgetting Raphael was an angel, Dean swung his fist at Raphael's jaw. As expected, Raphael did not flinch; Dean however almost fell over from the impact.

Sam shook his head sadly as he watched the scene unfurl. Raphael, although unhurt, was seriously angered by Dean's attempts at physical violence. He closed his eyes and flinched when he heard Dean slam into a nearby wall. Ouch. He opened his eyes only to see Dean lying on the ground. He ran over to his brother and knelt down beside him. "Are you alright Dean?" he asked despite knowing the answer.

Dean groaned and rolled over onto his back. "Ouch." Things were not looking good for him today. First bad cooking from a demon, and now enduring physical pain from a damned angel!

Raphael slowly walked over, ready to inflict pain on Dean when Lucifer suddenly appeared on the scene. Lucifer was not at all pleased. "What is happening here?" he bellowed, glaring at all present. His eyes rested on Sam. "Are you alright?" He could not afford damage to Sam. If Sam was hurt... he would send the culprit to the very depths of hell. Sam nodded. Lucifer turned to face Raphael. "You!"

Raphael stiffened. He didn't want to go hell. Hell was meant to be a very terrifying place. "Hello Lucifer," he said, trying to be as polite as possible. Please don't send me to Hell, he thought.

Lucifer walked over to Raphael, and stood right in front of him. "Why are you abusing everyone?" he demanded, poking Raphael in the chest. "No violence within the school grounds!"

"I-I am sorry."

Lucifer shook his head. "No... you are not. You're violent actions could've led to Sam being harmed! You will be punished!"

Raphael's eyes widened with fear. "No... don't send me to Hell!" He had heard terrible tales of those who were sent to Hell as punishment. Apparently, unicorns, fairies and the Teletubbies roamed the plains of Hell. "NNNOOOOOOOO!" he screamed.

Lucifer glared. "To hell with you!" He clicked his fingers and Raphael was engulfed in white light. The light faded and Raphael was no longer visible. Lucifer hoped Raphael enjoyed his temporary stay in Hell. He rubbed his hands together and looked around him. "Let this be a lesson to you all," he spoke coldly. "Fighting within school grounds will not be tolerated. Failure to abide by these rules earns you a short stay in hell. Understood?" All demons, humans and angels nodded. No one wanted to go to Hell. "Enjoy the rest of recess."

Lucifer walked away, and Sam helped Dean up from the ground. "That... was weird."

Dean nodded, and wiped his bloody nose. He glared at Sam. "You're a lucky son of a bitch; you have Lucifer as your bodyguard." He grabbed his hand and winced. He really hated arch-angels. "Hope he enjoys his stay in Hell," he muttered bitterly. "Hey Cas, are you alright?" Dean asked, looking at Castiel.

Castiel nodded. "I'm going to visit the nurse," he said. "Angels, other than Lucifer, can't use healing powers within the school grounds."

"I'm coming with you... wait, who is the school nurse?"

"Crowley," was Castiel's simple response.

"Crowley?" Dean echoed. Just when he thought the day couldn't get any worse... Sam decided it would be a good idea if he tagged along with Dean and Castiel. Perhaps he could act like their bodyguard; no one would dare harm right? He certainly hoped he was correct. He didn't want to let his friends suffer again at the hands of crazed angels. Little did Sam know he was in great danger.

.

I finally managed to update after three months of waiting. In the next chapter, Sam discovers he's not immune and Michael makes his first cameo. Reviews are always appreciated :


	7. Nurse Crowley

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

xxjhopsterxx, Niknakz93, maxibatts, Indigo1100, dirtdevil76, Werewolf Girl 22, Briankrause and Beizantean for reviewing.

**.**

**Chapter Six: Nurse Crowley**

Castiel led Sam and Dean towards Crowley's office. The building was pretty small; in fact Dean thought the building looked like a tiny tool shed except for the fact it was bright pink. Dean frowned; why on earth was the nurses office bright pink? The school was seriously messed up, but that was expected. After all, the school was Lucifer's idea.

Castiel opened the door and entered, followed closely by Sam and Dean. In the middle of the room, sitting on a black chair sat Crowley fully dressed in a nurse's outfit. Crowley flashed the trio a big grin. Dean shuddered. Smiling Crowley couldn't be a good thing. "Welcome boys," Crowley said.

Castiel didn't reply with a warm greeting. Demons and angels did not like each other at all. "We're here to have our wounds healed." Crowley nodded. It was pretty obvious they needed their wounds healed. Why else would they pay him a visit? Crowley wasn't well liked by the rest of the demons. He was certain Lucifer had told all the demons to hate Crowley. His reasons why? Crowley wanted Lucifer back in his cage in Hell.

"I want to make a deal," Crowley said, looking at Dean.

Dean shook his head. "Don't even think about it. I'm not making deals with any demon."

Crowley looked at the wounds on both Dean and Castiel. "I think you might want to reconsider that. You can't walk around with those wounds forever," he said. "They'll get infected," he added in a light tone.

Dean suspected Crowley was amused by the idea of infected wounds. "What kind of deal?" Dean asked through clenched teeth. "I'm not trading my soul for anything," he added.

Crowley lent forward, a nose away from Dean's face. Dean moved backwards disturbed by the closeness. "I have a better deal. I heal your wounds if you find a way to send Lucifer back to Hell," he said.

Sam frowned. Crowley was a demon. Wouldn't he want Lucifer to stay? "You're a demon. I thought you'd be happy Lucifer was walking on earth. He's the creator of demons right?" Sam questioned.

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Lucifer is an angel. Do you really think an angel cares about us demons?" Crowley shouted, pointing a finger at himself. He looked at Castiel, a look of disgust on his face. "Angels... nasty beings they are. So full of self-righteousness it's disgusting."

Castiel frowned, confused by Crowley's words. Had he just been insulted? Castiel turned to look at Dean ready to ask him about Crowley, but Dean wasn't paying any attention. "And how do you propose we take down Lucifer?" Dean said, somewhat sarcastically. If he couldn't even harm Raphael, what made Crowley think he could take down Lucifer?

Crowley looked at Sam. "You will take down Lucifer."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"You heard me. Take Lucifer to the prom, keep him distracted," he explained. Crowley turned to Castiel and Dean. "Castiel, you can trap Lucifer in a ring of holy fire and Dean, use this." Crowley reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out an object.

Dean's eyes widened at the object. He looked at Crowley. "Seriously?" Crowley nodded. "Do you really think this will work?"

"I'm sure of it. I... contacted someone very important to angels." Crowley looked displeased. "And here he is now." Suddenly bright white light filled the room, blinding everyone except for Castiel. He looked at the light with adoration. The light vanished and a figure wearing a white pimp suit emerged. "Hello Michael," said Crowley sourly.

Dean was now very confused. Michael? Archangel Michael? Crowley hated angels. Why would he work alongside with an angel? A super powerful one for that matter. "Michael?" Dean commented, amazed. His eyes widened even more at Michael's choice of clothing. "A white pimp suit? Seriously?" he asked, glancing at Michael.

Michael frowned. He didn't understand the human fascination with clothing. "I believe Crowley has informed you about the plan to send Lucifer back to Hell," he said, speaking in monotone.

"Why are you helping Crowley? He's a demon," Sam said, placing emphasis on the word 'demon'.

"I can understand you are surprised with this allegiance, but Lucifer must be taken down before he destroys everyone," Michael replied. "It is too great of risk to let him walk around the planet and educate his demons in the art of warfare."

Sam shook his head. "I think you're mistaken. Lucifer's teaching us poetry at the moment, doesn't sound very warlike to me," Sam explained, shuddering at the thought.

Michael trained his steady intense gaze on Sam. Sam fidgeted under his stare. "Poetry is one of his greatest weapons."

Dean didn't know whether to burst out into hysterical laughter or not. Poetry? A weapon? He found it hard to believe. He exchanged glances with Sam. Sam was also fighting the urge not to laugh. This had to be a joke... right? But the look on Michael's face was serious. "How is poetry dangerous?"

"You think this is a joke."

Dean shook his head. He didn't want to suffer any more beatings at the hands of angels. Once was enough. "Uh... no I just think it's strange, that's all."

Michael frowned, but decided not to press the issue further. Now was not the time to debate. "Do you agree to the plan?" All three nodded. Dean only agreed because he wanted his wounds healed. Castiel agreed because he didn't like Lucifer and Sam agreed because he couldn't endure another lesson on poetry. "Good, I shall be back later." And with that, Michael vanished and teleported himself back to Heaven.

Dean sighed and looked at Sam. "You ready for this?"

Sam forced a grim smile. "Not really. I get to take Lucifer as my prom date... speaking of proms, when is it anyway?" Lucifer never mentioned a prom.

Both boys looked at Crowley. "The prom will be in three weeks; you have heaps of time to prepare. Now I suspect you want those wounds healed?" In light of the conversation with Michael, Dean had forgotten about his wounds. He nodded and braced himself for demon healing power. Crowley placed a finger on Dean and Castiel. Dean felt a small jolt run through his body. He glanced down at his wounds only to find they were no longer visible. "There you go. Make Crowley proud," he remarked, waving them goodbye.

The trio walked out the door. Dean glanced down at the object in his hand. "I hope this works..."

**.**

Just to let everyone know this will be my final update for this story until the end of December. I'm taking a few weeks break before I get back into writing. Also, there are only seven chapters remaining before this story reaches an end. Reviews are appreciated : )


	8. Rescuing Raphael

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke.

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Xxjhopsterxx, Werewolf Girl 22, Indigo Nights, maxibatts, Indigo1100 and dirtdevil76 for waiting and for reviewing : )Your support is greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

I've also noticed my disclaimers are all wrong... forgot to change my set Beyblade disclaimer to Supernatural. I've fixed that now.

**.**

**Chapter Seven: Rescuing Raphael**

"Where is he?" Zachariah said impatiently. Michael had been gone for at least thirty seconds now. The job was meant to be quick and by quick, he meant a five second job. But no, Michael was far too righteous and he probably explained all the details to Dean. "What's happening down on earth?" he demanded, fixing his eyes on Uriel.

Uriel looked at Zachariah calmly. "Raphael was sent to Hell," he replied.

Zachariah sent one of the vases flying across the room. "WHAT? AGAIN?" he shouted. This wasn't Raphael's first time in Hell this month, in fact Zachariah was beginning to wonder if Raphael secretly enjoyed being in Hell with all those creepy things like Teletubbies. Zachariah could not imagine anything far more terrifying than being stuck with the Teletubbies for several days. He shuddered at the thought and mentally slapped himself for thinking of such dastardly things. But Raphael was needed which meant a trip to Hell.

"Are we going to rescue Raphael?" Gabriel asked from the far right corner in the room. He was keeping himself entertained with various card tricks he had learnt from a book. "I mean not that I care because Raphael is an annoying angel. He keeps stealing my cards and knocking down my card towers!" he glared dangerously at his cards. Raphael could stay in Hell for all eternity.

Zachariah shook his head. "Yes, we know he's annoying, but we _need _him. Who wants to take a trip downstairs to rescue our friend?" Silence. No angel cared enough to rescue Raphael. He would send Michael downstairs, but unfortunately he was in no position to order the big boss. He would need someone gullible and clueless. His eyes settled on Anna. The corners of his mouth curved into a smirk. Perfect. "Anna! You are making a trip to Hell."

Anna looked up from her _Angel Weekly _magazine and frowned. "What?" She was not going to make a trip to Hell. Hell was full of nasty things.

Zachariah sighed deeply. "You're the most useless one here. All you do is readthose silly angel magazines and flirt with arch angels. You're going to Hell and you're going to rescue Raphael!" he snapped.

Anna glared but she remained silent for there was nothing she could do in this situation. Zachariah was a level above her; he had power and she had to obey. She was a little surprised that Raphael and Gabriel followed Zachariah's orders, but she suspected Michael had something to do with it. Perhaps Michael had appointed Zachariah as co-leader? It seemed highly likely.

Without saying another word, Anna vanished and teleported to the main gates of Hell. She couldn't see past the gate; a wall of black shadow blocked her view. She straightened her hair, took in a deep breath and walked through the gates of Hell. Lightning flashed around her and the loud claps of thunder made her shudder with fear. She cursed inwardly under her breath; the wind was blowing her newly straightened hair around.

After more minutes of walking, Anna soon found herself in a fine clearing of green grass. The walk to the central part of Hell was always a frightening one. Luckily, the path to the middle of Hell was short. As soon as she reached the end, the storm ended. However, unluckly for her the worst was just about to begin.

Big, fat Teletubbies roamed the plains searching for new angels to torture. Her eyes looked to the top of the hill where Raphael sat shouting at the Heavens above. She shuddered; Hell was a scary place. She wanted out as soon as possible. "Raphael!" Anna called.

Raphael turned his attention to his fellow angel. "Anna! HELP ME!" he shouted. He glanced around fearfully, as if expecting an ambush... or worse... a Teletubbie attack. Most humans saw Teletubbies as big, fat silly creatures that were incapable of speaking, but he knew just how awful these beings were. Teletubbies hugged their victims; a tight hug that almost crushed the ribs. After the hug, the Teletubbie would grab a shower head and bathe the victim. Luckily, bath time hadn't arrived but he knew it was coming.

"Hold still Raphael," Anna said now standing next to the arch-angel. She examined the ropes binding him to the ground and wondered if she could untie them. She bent down on her knees and attempted to untie the ropes but her attempts proved futile. "Looks like the Teletubbies can tie ropes well," she said.

"Just get me out of here," Raphael snapped.

Anna rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright don't panic. Let me see what I can do." Anna placed one hand on the rope, and dug her other hand into her pocket. She pulled her out to reveal a long, sharp, shiny dagger and used the knife to cut into the rope. Thankfully, the knife cut the ropes and in a few seconds, Raphael was free. But that did not mean he was out of danger.

"Anna! Watch out! The Teletubbies have arrived on their noble steeds!" Raphael declared, pointing a finger at a white male unicorn running towards them. Behind them, four more unicorns arrived. Anna's eyes widened. Trouble. The five unicorns stopped in front of the two angels and the riders unmounted from their noble steeds.

"Oh no, not the song..." Raphael moaned.

The five Teletubbies took their positions in a V formation and begun to sing.

"Over the hills and far away,

Teletubbies come to play ...

Time for teletubbies, time for teletubbies, time for teletubbies...

Tinkywinky. "Tinkywinky!"

Dipsy. "Dipsy!"

Laalaa. "Laalaa!"

Po. "Po!"

Teletubbies. "Teletubbies!"

Say, Heeeeee-lo! "Eh-oh!"

Tinkywinky. Dipsy. Laalaa. Po.

Teletubbies. "Teletubbies!"

Say Heeeeeee ... "Uh-oh!"

"Where have the teletubbies gone ?

Where have the teletubbies gone?"

Despite the last words of the song, the Teletubbies remained. Their eyes were glinting with malicious intent and both angels knew Hell was about to break loose. The red one, the one named Po opened his arms wide and moved towards Raphael. Raphael screamed. Anna screamed. Both angels screamed as Po embraced them tightly.

Dipsy soon joined Po and in his hand was a shower head. "Oh no, not the bath!" Raphael whined as he struggled to break free of the iron-tight grip. Angels were strong, arch-angels were even stronger, but they were incredibly weak against these abominations. Cold liquid sprayed over their heads as Dipsy shook the showerhead. "Eh-oh! Eh-oh! Eh-oh!" Dispy repeated.

Raphael had enough. It was time to get out, but only Anna could lead him out. As he was sentenced there, he was unable to exit the gates unless accompanied. "Anna..." he urgently whispered. "We have to leave now! As soon as they walk away we have to run! Teleportation will not work here."

Anna nodded and wiped away a few tears from her eyes. She was going to find a way to kill Zachariah or at least demote him after this experience. How dare he send a female to do a man's job? Eventually, the showering stopped and Po removed his arms from the angels. Anna glanced at Raphael and in turn, he nodded signalling it was time to run.

The Teletubbies were slow to react allowing the two angels to gain a fairly good head start. They continued running until they reached the chaotic storm path. Holding hands, Anna led Raphael to the gates and led him out. Raphael breathed a huge sigh of relief as they exited the gates. Hell was awful. "Thank you Anna."

Anna nodded and the two teleported back to Heaven where the other angels awaited patiently. "We're back," Anna announced.

Zachariah flashed Raphael a big grin and welcomed him back with a clap on the back. "You are back. Now please sit down, we have a lot to discuss." Zachariah didn't even bother asking Raphael about his experience as he had heard the story one too many times. It was time to focus on more important matters such as sending Lucifer back to Hell and focusing on the big prom. He could only hope the masterplan worked...

.

I am terribly sorry for the two month wait, please forgive me! It's been pretty chaotic down here with all the Australian floods. I sincerely hope this chapter was worth it!

Also, I'm desperately looking for members to join my forum. I hate to advertise here, but I am looking for people. It's a forum which focuses mostly on writing, but there's also a Supernatural and a general section. If you are interested, just visit my profile page and scroll down to 'Creative Insanity Forum'.

Please review :)


	9. Hail Satan!

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew.

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

A special thanks to the following authors who have continually supported this story: Werewolf Girl 22, maxibatts, Indigo Nights, Diff, dirtydevil76 and Indigo1100.

Also a very special thanks to new reader Jedi Master Arwen Sparrow for reviewing every chapter. Enjoy the (late) chapter!

**.**

**Chapter Eight: Hail Satan!**

After the odd episode with Crowley and Michael, Sam was beginning to wonder if he was going to lose his mind. Being Lucifer's prom date was one thing, but Crowley and Michael working together? Too bizarre! Could things get any worse? Yes. They always could. Sam sighed aloud. Dean raised an eyebrow. "What are you sighing for?" he inquired.

"Poetry. Lucifer wants us to recite a poem for him," he replied bluntly.

Dean stifled a chuckle. "Well that sounds exciting. Better you than me."

Sam was not impressed. "Thanks for your support Dean," he mumbled. "This isn't fair! I don't want to read out a poem."

"What kind of poem?"

"Well... it actually has to be a nursery rhyme and I'm meant to add actions to it as well," Sam said. "It's meant to be due in two weeks, but knowing how mental he is, Lucifer will start them as soon as possible."

Dean nodded in agreement. Lucifer was pretty crazy. "I guess that's what Hell does to you – messes with your mind."

"I just hope he isn't planning on taking us down there for an excursion," Sam said bitterly. "I really don't want to see showerheads and Teletubbies." He shuddered at the thought. "Even the most impure people don't deserve to suffer that agony."

As Sam and Dean continued to walk through the school grounds, the demons were causing havoc. The angels, led by Zachariah, decided to pay Sam and Dean a visit only to get involved in the huge demon fight taking place in the quadrangle. Sam stopped. "Do you hear that? Sounds like a big fight happening."

Dean also stopped, straining his ears to pick up on the sounds of fighting. What he heard sounded like two females fighting. "Sounds like our demon friends, Ruby and Meg," Dean said. Sam didn't reply. Both boys immediately hurried towards the quadrangle. Upon their arrival, the large crowd of demons and angels alike turned their attention towards them.

"Erm... perhaps we shouldn't have come here?" Sam whispered.

"Let's just walk away... slowly..." Dean replied, slowly edging backwards.

But it was too late – Ruby had spotted them. "There he is!" she announced, pointing at Sam.

Sam froze. What did they want with him? "What's the matter?"

Ruby glared up at him, her dark eyes full of anger. "Meg says you asked her out on a date!"

Sam held his hands up in defence. "What? I never asked her out to go anywhere!"

Ruby eyed Sam with suspicion. "Are you telling the truth?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Would I really go out with a demon that possessed me?"

Ruby stroked her chin thoughtfully, pondering Sam's reply. "I guess not." This piece of information did not sit well with Meg and she stormed up to Ruby and slapped her in the face. "Ow! You bitch!" Ruby cried out.

"Sam!" Meg shouted, turning to face Sam. "Is it really true? Did you drink her blood?"

This was certainly awkward. Even the demons were surprised. Sam scratched his head nervously. "I...uh..." He didn't want to admit out aloud that he was in fact a demon blood junkie. "...No?" he replied, secretly praying to God that Ruby wouldn't tell the truth.

Ruby smiled proudly. "Of course he did," she boasted.

Sam felt himself wither up inside. A trip to Hell suddenly sounded more appealing even if there were heaps of showerheads. "Dean..." he whispered urgently.

A look of displeasure was on Dean's face and Sam knew immediately Dean was unhappy. Although Dean had known about Sam's odd fetish, it still disturbed him. Without looking at Sam, Dean replied. "You better hope your date comes along and saves you, because I'm certainly not," Dean said.

Sam forced a smile. "Thanks Dean, once again I'm glad I have your full support." Sam turned to face the two female demons to explain himself, but no words came out. "I...uh..."

"Are you denying it?" Ruby demanded.

Sam shook his head quickly. "No!" All the demons and angels present gasped. He cursed himself inwardly for his stupidity. "I mean..."

"You really blew it Sam," Dean said, covering his face with his hands.

While Sam struggled to defend himself, Castiel rushed over to join Dean's side. Uriel, noticing Castiel had run away, chased after him. If they weren't in such a serious situation, Dean would have laughed at the scene playing before him. Unfortunately, it was real and they were in the middle of the conflict. "Do not worry Dean, I am here to help you," Castiel said.

"Uh Cas? I don't need your help. Sam is the one that needs help," Dean said.

"Oh," was Castiel's reply. "I'm not helping him."

Dean shrugged. "I don't blame you; I'm not helping him either. He needs to learn how to handle relationships." He smirked to himself. "So far he's just making a complete fool of himself."

"Why did you do it Sam?" Meg asked.

Sam tried to play innocent. "Do what?"

Meg rolled her eyes. "I know your smarter than this Sam – I've been in your head remember?"

Sam nodded. He remembered. "I needed...power," he said. "To take down Lilith."

"And you chose her?" She snorted. "No wonder Lucifer likes you so much... you're a complete nutter." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Feelings hurt, Sam frowned. He wasn't mad... was he? "I'm not mad."

Ruby sniggered. "You keep telling yourself that."

Sam was about to question her for answers when Alistair ran over, holding a large pie in his hands. Dean sighed. "Not Alistair..."

Castiel noticed Dean's look of despair and felt he had to do something to make him feel happy. "Do not worry Dean – Alistair will not hurt you!" He stood in front of Dean and glared.

Alistair came to a sudden halt, stopping about a metre away from Castiel. "Dean! I have some pie for you!" he sung happily. All the demons in the crowd sighed. No one appreciated his cooking.

"Alistair, get out of here, no one wants to taste your stupid pies!" Ruby shouted.

Alistair's bottom lip trembled. His eyes began to water. Using the back palm of his hand, he wiped his eyes. "My pies are not bad," he said, trying to steady his voice. "You're just jealous because I spend more time with the Master than you!" he retorted.

Ruby's mouth dropped open. "Father spends more time with me than he does with you! I'm his favourite."

"I'm his favourite!" Meg declared.

Soon enough, all the demons in the crowd started bickering amongst each other about who was Lucifer's favourite demon. Sam and Dean exchanged glances. Other than Crowley, all the demons believed Lucifer cared about them. Lucifer only cared about world domination, drinking, poetry and Sam. "What is all this commotion?" a voice shouted. All the demons froze and the angels took their fighting stance.

Sam sighed. "Speak of the Devil..."

"HAIL SATAN!" All the demons fell to their knees and started worshipping Lucifer, much to the disgust of the other angels.

Lucifer strutted towards the large crowd and ordered them all to stand. "I am bitterly disappointed in all of you," he said, glaring at the crowd of demons. "Now will someone tell me what happened here?"

Ruby stepped forward eager to please. "Father, Meg started the fight!"

"You bitch, you started it!" Meg retorted.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. Female demons were such a handful. "Are you fighting over Sam?" The girls nodded and he sighed. Women. "I will have you both know that if either of you lay a hand on Sam Winchester you will both be sent to Hell. Understood?"

Needless to say, both girls were shocked. Hadn't Lucifer ordered them to watch over Sam? "Understood."

Lucifer spotted Sam and walked over to him. "I trust the girls did not harm you?"

Sam shook his head. "Nope I'm alright."

Lucifer was satisfied. He couldn't afford his vessel and prom date being injured. "That is good news." He turned away from Sam and turned his attention back on the demons. "Because of this event, I'm going to punish all of you. Your poetry recital will be due tomorrow. No excuses." Many sighs could be heard. One demon even left his host.

Sam sighed inwardly. He knew Lucifer would change his mind. "Great," he muttered under his breath. Life was just getting better.

"I'll see you in class tomorrow," Lucifer said, looking at Sam. Without saying another word, Lucifer left and headed back towards his office room. The crowd departed and soon only Sam, Dean and Castiel were left.

"Well, you better start practicing for that poetry recital," Dean snickered.

"Poetry?" Castiel asked.

"Apparently, it's Lucifer's great weapon," Dean answered. He shrugged. "Not really sure why though..."

Sam sighed again. He seemed to be doing a lot of sighing recently. "I better go and find a nursery rhyme. I'll see you both later." Dean waved Sam goodbye and turned to Castiel. It was time to start thinking of ways to trap Lucifer.

.

I have both good and bad news. The good news is this: I have gotten my inspiration back for this story and will hopefully update much faster in the future. The bad news? There's only five chapters left of this story. Once again, thanks to all my readers for your support ^_^ I'm still surprised at the success of this crack story. As always, reviews are appreciated.


	10. Sam the Teapot

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew.

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Coraline016, maxibatts, Jedi Master Arwen Sparrow, Indigo Nights, dirtdevil76, Indigo1100 and Werewolf Girl 22. I am very grateful for all your support in keeping this story going! You guys are the best! Enjoy the longest chapter since chapter one!

**.**

**Chapter Nine: Sam the Teapot**

Sam hated his life. For once he wished he could live a happy life. But instead, he was cursed and sentenced to live a life of misery, pain and humiliation. Poetry classes with Lucifer was bad enough, but reciting a nursey rhyme in front of a class of demons was beyond torture. For starters, he had yet to find a decent nursery rhyme. He sighed aloud, rubbed his temples and flipped through the big bad book of nursey rhymes hoping that one would catch his eye.

As he flipped through the pages, he felt a presence behind him. His heart skipped a beat. Slowly, he turned around in his seat and glanced up. Lucifer. A sudden emotion of depression overcame him. What on earth did the Devil want now? "Hi Lucifer," Sam said, trying to be polite.

Lucifer grinned. "How is the poetry search coming along?"

Sam forced a grin. "Fantastic." He hoped Lucifer couldn't see through his lie but then remembered, Lucifer could see right through a lie. He cursed himself inwardly. "I can't find one."

Lucifer nodded and sat down in the empty seat next to Sam. Sam frowned and edged his chair away. He didn't want to be too close, but his attempt to move away subtley failed. Lucifer edged his chair closer and trained his eyes on Sam. "Sam, I'm not going to hurt you." He moved closer. "Why would I want to hurt you?" He scoffed at the thought.

Sam was lost for words. Somehow he didn't think, 'uh maybe because you want to use me to take over the world' response would satisfy Lucifer. He had to choose his words well. "No reason," Sam replied. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be harrassing demons?" he inquired.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "I don't want to waste time harrassing demons when I can talk to my favourite student." Once again Lucifer edged closer. "You're very special, you know that right?"

This was getting far too creepy for Sam's liking. He put his hands up defensively and shook his head. "Uh... I should probably choose a nursery rhyme..." He glanced down at his book hoping Lucifer would get the hint.

Unfortunately, this only encouraged Lucifer to continue talking. "I happen to like Mary Had a Little Lamb, Jack Be Nimble, Jack and Jill, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the one about the ducks. I'm not sure what it's called though, but there are ducks in it." Lucifer stroked his chin thoughtfully, struggling to think of the name.

It was official. Lucifer was a raving nutcase. It was understandable why God cast Lucifer down. Despite all the power Lucifer posessed, he was nothing more but a bumbling idiot on a power trip. "Thanks," Sam said.

"Oh! You want to know what my favourite is? I'm a Little Teapot!" Lucifer exclaimed and proceeded to sing along the words to the rhyme whilst Sam tried to avert his gaze elsewhere. It was hard to believe this was the Devil. "Tip me over and pour me out!" Lucifer sung, tipping himself over as if he were a teapot.

Sam took it as a hint of which nursery rhyme to perform. It was just his luck Lucifer had to be a fan of one of the lamest rhymes. At least it was easy to sing and dance to. He just hoped Dean wouldn't have to see him perform. If Bobby were present, he would call Sam an 'idgit'. Sam shook his head sadly. He had sunk so low.

Lucifer stood up from his chair and clapped Sam on the shoulder. "I look forward to hearing it, I'm sure you'll do it proud," he said, grinning. "I'll see you in class shortly." And with that said, Lucifer strutted away from Sam a triumphant smirk on his face. Sam sighed to himself and flipped to the contents page of his book. Time to start reciting the words to 'I'm a Little Teapot'. Luckily for him, the rhyme was very easy and actions for the song were simple.

The courage to get up and perform this rhyme was the hard part. "Well at least the other demons have to act like morons too..." he reasoned aloud, trying to put his mind at ease. It failed. "Ok Sam, stop being so negative," he scolded himself. "You can do this!" After all, he had done much more difficult things before in the past such as fighting Ghandi and killing a copy of Paris Hilton. But this was different.

He sighed aloud once again. Learning a nursery rhyme to entertain Lucifer wasn't the only thing that worried him. Being Lucifer's prom date was far more concerning. What would he be forced to wear? Would he have to cross dress? Would people think they were a couple? The thought horrified him. He certainly hoped Nurse Crowley and Michael's deranged plan would work otherwise he would become Lucifer's date for life and that wasn't something that comforted him.

It was time to calm his mind. Leaving the book on the table, Sam headed outside to get some fresh air.

.

Dean looked at Castiel. Castiel looked back at Dean. The two continued to look at each other until Dean spoke. "Cas, would you stop looking at me like that? It's freakin' me out!" he exclaimed.

Castiel frowned. "What do you mean?"

Dean sighed. Just his luck he had to get a clueless angel watching over him. "You're looking at me like you want to jump me," he said. "It's unhealthy," he added.

Castiel turned his gaze downwards. "I'm sorry Dean," he replied tersely.

"I'm not the floor Cas, I'm over here!" Dean said.

Castiel looked at him. "You said to stop looking at you."

This was a battle Dean could not win. He sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Whatever... What are we going to do to trap Lucifer?" he asked. "I mean, we can't just stroll up to Lucifer and trap him in a holy ring of fire. He's too smart to fall for that."

Castiel nodded. "You are correct. However Lucifer will fall for the ring of fire trap."

Dean snorted. "What? You mean if I said, 'hey Lucifer can you stand over there for a second? I want to trap you in a holy ring of fire. Thanks!' that's going to convince him?" Dean asked sarcastically.

Castiel frowned. "No angel will fall for that Dean."

Dean opened his mouth to protest but decided against it. Castiel still hadn't learnt how to detect sarcasm and explainining it would take him forever. "Alright..." Dean sighed heavily. "So we're left with no choice but for Sam to take Lucifer as his date?" He hated the idea. Sam might be Lucifer's vessel, but that didn't mean they had to be prom dates.

The angel nodded. "Unfortunately yes, it's the only way Dean. Sam must be the one to lead Lucifer into the holy ring of fire." Castiel didn't like the idea either. It was dangerous for Sam. What if Lucifer figured out their scheme? All would be lost.

"Let's say if this plan works – what then?" Dean asked.

"Use the weapon Crowley and Michael gave you at the right moment," Castiel replied.

Dean opened his jacket and glanced down at the weapon. "And I use this weapon on Lucifer whilst he and Sam are standing in the ring of fire?" Castiel nodded. "And while Lucifer is suffers, Sam can escape without risking Lucifer's wrath?" Once again Castiel nodded. "Ok... and then what?"

"We send him back to Hell with Michael."

Dean frowned. "With Michael?"

Castiel nodded. "He's mean to me. When I was a young angel, Michael stole all my toys and gave them to Raphael." He frowned. Bad memories.

"Ok... this is totally messed up, but I'll play along. So, how do we send him back to Hell?"

"Well Michael will arrive and open the cage to Hell. You run in and push him over," Castiel bluntly explained.

Confusion kicked in. "I just 'run over' and push a powerful arch-angel into the pit with Lucifer?" Dean asked. "I think you've forgotten that pushing angels isn't an easy thing to do," he added. "Hell... it's not possible."

Castiel looked thoughtful. "Of course, I had forgotten the limitations of humans."

Dean considered a new strategy. "How about this... I distract Michael and you push him in. In doing so you might impress Anna."

Castiel's face brightened for a brief second and nodded. "Ok. We should preparations immediately." His face darkened. "Lucifer will not take over the world with poetry."

And so the plan to take down Lucifer begun.

.

It was time for poetry performances and naturally Sam was first. Lucifer wanted the class to pay extra attention to Sam and learn from him. Sam waited for Lucifer's permission to begin his recital. Lucifer smiled and nodded. "You may begin."

Sam sighed. Here goes nothing.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout." The irony of the rhyme was that Sam was anything but short and stout. Sam continued to sing placing one hand on his hip. "Here is my handle," he sung, placing his other arm out with elbow and wrist bent. "Here is my spout."

All the demons in the room were spellbounded by his performance. The looks on their faces were akin to the expressions of little toddlers. Sam would've laughed if he didn't feel so moronic himself. "When I get all steamed up, hear me SHOUT!"

Lucifer jumped in his seat upon hearing Sam's shout. "Such passion!" he declared.

"Tip me over and pour me out." Sam proceeded in leaning over toward spout. "I'm a special teapot yes it's true."

Lucifer nodded in agreement. Sam was very special indeed. "You are a very special tea pot Sam."

Sam frowned and felt slightly uneasy. Lucifer scared him, but he hid his nerves and continued to sing. "Here's an example of what I can do, I can turn my handle into a spout."

Lucifer and the other demons were very impressed with Sam's abilities. He truly was an amazing specimen. He felt proud to have Sam as his vessel and prom date. "Tip me over and pour me out!" Lucifer shouted loudly along with Sam and clapped enthusiastically at the end. He stood up from his chair and looked at the class. "This is how it's done! Passion and enthusiasm! Well done Sam!"

The other demons in the room clapped along showing their appreciation. Sam _was _talented – no wonder Lucifer had such an interest in him. Then, one of the demons stood up. Alistair. "Lucifer, I've heard rumour about a prom?"

Lucifer stopped clapping and glanced at Alistair. "Why are you in class Alistair? You should be in the detention room."

Alistair smiled. "I wouldn't miss Sam performing for the world Father."

Lucifer stroked his chin and nodded slowly. Made sense. "Yes... there will be a prom in a few weeks. You need to of have chosen your partners by the end of next week if you wish to attend."

Ruby and Meg glanced at each other then towards Sam. "Sam is mine..." Ruby whispered.

Meg shook her head. "No bitch, he's mine."

Lucifer glared at both girls. "Sam is coming with me."

This confused the demons. "What?" Ruby and Meg declared.

Lucifer nodded. "I do not want any bitch fights over Sam so he's coming with me for protection," he explained, looking at the class of demons. "Understood?" All the demons nodded in agreement.

Ruby sighed. Now what on earth was she going to do? She glanced at Alistair. Perhaps... perhaps Alistair could be her date? She noticed Meg was glancing at Alistair too and frowned. "Not on my watch bitch," she thought bitterly. If Meg dared laid a hand on Alistair... there would be a war.

Lucifer grinned. "Let the civil war begin!" He knew all the demons would go mad trying to find a date and. The thought of demons trying to kill each other (which some would do) amused him. Now... he needed to find a way to stop his brothers and sisters from meddling in his plans. And he knew just the thing that would stop them.

.

I know I promised to update quicker, but my laptop's harddrive died meaning no laptop for several weeks which meant no writing. In addition to this, I had other issues that needed addressing and still need it. I hope this chapter entertained you! Also, I hate to use this fic to promote, but I'd really love it if people joined a forum I created. You can find it on my ffn profile page.

As always, reviews are much appreciated : )


	11. Hellish Dates

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew.

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Darkangel325, RainbowUnicornofDeath, dirtdevil76, Werewolf Girl 22, Indigo Nights, maxibatts, Jedi Arwen Sparrow Winchester, Briankraus, Indigo1100 and King Of The Crossroads for taking the time to review! Your support is much appreciated! Enjoy!

**.**

**Chapter Ten: Hellish Dates**

The search for a suitable partner began and Lucifer watched in enjoyment as his demons ran around the school frantically looking for 'the one'. Sam and Dean stood in the middle of the chaos looking somewhat frightened and confused. Both were unsure of what action to take – should they run? Should they fight? Or were they just expected to stand there and remain confused?

Amongst the confusion, Alistair ran towards Dean. Perhaps Dean would come with him as his date to the prom? He knew all the female demons would beat him up upon popping the question. "Dean!" Dean brought a hand to his face and silently prayed to God. "Please strike Alistair down..." he mumbled, but he received no answer.

"Dean, I have a question for you!" Alistair said, beaming a big smile.

Dean forced a smile. "What's the question?"

"Well... I really want to go to the prom but none of the demons will want to take me as their date. So..." he looked at Dean a hopeful expression on his face. "Would you be my date?"

Without a date Dean would not be able to attend the prom and seeing as it was a demon centred prom, he was certain he needed a demon date to get in. Agreeing to go with Alistair would be suicidal but he needed to put a stop to the mad Lucifer before things really spun out of control. Sam whispered in Dean's ear. "Are you going to accept Alistair as your date?"

Dean whispered back. "I have no choice! It's either Alistair or one of those crazy bitches," he muttered. He pulled away from Sam and glanced at Alistair. Alistair's face was still hopeful. Dean noticed his fingers were crossed. "Alistair, I have decided."

Alistair almost jumped up and down giddy with anticipation. "And?"

Dean sighed. He knew he was going to regret this. "I accept your offer."

"That's great! But can you be the male in the date? I have this awesome Frenchmaid outfit I want to wear." The thought of Alistair dressing up in a Frenchmaid almost caused Dean and Sam to puke. What a horrible image! Dean wanted to end his life immediately. Anything was better than taking Alistair for a date... but then he remembered he needed to stop Lucifer.

"I hope wearing the Frenchmaid isn't some demon thing..." Sam muttered. "Or angel thing for that matter." He hoped Lucifer wouldn't wear the same thing as Alistair. He might be forced to commit suicide otherwise. "What about Castiel? How is he going to get inside the prom?" Both boys glanced over at Castiel standing by himself looking confused.

"Castiel!" Dean said.

Castiel turned his head slowly towards the Winchester brothers and Alistair. He frowned. "Alistair is your date?" He didn't like the demon. His cooking skills were simply awful!

Dean forced a smile. "Yup, he sure is."

"Who will your date be?" Sam asked. He observed the crowd of demons searching for a lone female. His eyes fell on Ruby and Meg. "Perfect!" he exclaimed.

"You're seriously considering one of those crazy bitches go with Castiel?" Dean asked. Although he had to admit – Castiel with one of the demons was a pretty good idea. The angel and demon would balance each other out. "I think Castiel and Meg would make a good couple," Dean said.

Castiel's eyes widened with fright. "Date a demon?" How dare Dean suggest something so dirty! "Demons are dirty vile creatures Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Look Cas, I need you alright? And besides... I'm worse off than you. I'm taking Alistair." He jerked in his in Alistair's direction. Alistair was currently singing a song about goblins under his breath and smiling dopily.

Sam offered comforting words of his own. "And who says you have to stick with your partner all night anyway? You can ditch her straight away as soon as you enter the hall." Although he knew he would be stuck to Lucifer all night. He shuddered. "You both better have a good plan in store."

Dean nodded. "Don't worry, we have a good plan. You just need to ensure you play your role in it."

"And what role would that be?"

"Keeping Lucifer distracted. Cas and I will do the rest."

"How do I know when you are going to launch your attack?" Sam asked.

"Uh... well chances are the prom will be held in the school hall and Lucifer will most likely want to be in the middle of the room because he's vain."

"And?"

"You'll need to walk him over to the stage. Castiel has prepared a trap for Lucifer and if all goes well, Lucifer will walk right into it and we can trap him."

Sam was not convinced. "Won't Lucifer know there's a trap waiting for him? I know he's mad but he's not stupid."

Dean shrugged. "Castiel has decorated the ring of oil to look like some dance stage. In other words, you can't see the markings of the circle."

Sam sighed. "I'm not sure if this is going to work..."

Dean placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Have some faith would you?"

Rolling his eyes, Sam nodded. "And what's the grand finale?"

Dean smirked. "You know that weapon Crowley gave me?"

"Are you serious? You're really going to use that on Lucifer? If the Colt didn't work... what makes you think that weapon will?" This whole plan seemed like a disaster.

"Oh it will don't worry. Now... you better find yourself a dress Sam, I'll catch up with you later. I'm going to get Castiel his date." Sam knew that was hint to entertain Lucifer. He said goodbye to Dean and Castiel and made his way to Lucifer to discuss dresses. "Okay Castiel, let's talk to Meg."

Dean led Castiel through the crowd of angry demons searching for Meg. Luckily, she wasn't hard to spot. "What do you want Dean?" Meg asked.

"Castiel needs a date for the prom."

Meg turned to face Castiel, an expression of interest on her face. She had never taken an angel before... heck she had never had much interaction with an angel other than Lucifer. Were all angels the same? Only one way to find out. "Hello Castiel, I hear you need a date to the prom?" It was certainly better than going with another demon. Nearby Ruby fumed. It just wasn't her day today.

Castiel gulped nervously and nodded. What would Anna think of him dancing with a demon? Would he be cast out of heaven and sent to hell? He certainly hoped not otherwise he would end up forever stuck with the Teletubbies. "Hello," he replied. "Yes, I do need a date to the prom."

Meg smirked. Castiel was so innocent. "Alright then, it's agreed." She turned to Dean. "Who is your partner?"

Dean shook his head. "Partner? I have no partner," he said, forcing laughter.

Meg raised an eyebrow. "It's Alistair isn't it?"

Dean's jaw dropped open. "How did you know?"

Meg sighed. "He's jumping up and down singing a song about Dean Winchester taking him to the prom." She jerked her head in Alistair's direction. Dean followed her gaze and rolled his eyes. Why did Alistair have to be such a moron? "Looks like a fun date," she grinned, winking.

Dean glared. "Alright, I've had enough. Come on Cas, we've got to make plans."

"Plans?"

Dean remembered Meg had no idea they were planning to take down Lucifer. He struggled to think of an excuse. An idea surfaced in his mind but before he could speak, Castiel offered a reason. "Dean and I need to discuss clothing."

Dean was impressed. Castiel didn't give their plan away. "Good angel," he mumbled.

"Alright then, I'll see you later." Meg said her goodbyes and walked away.

Dean sighed with relief. "Good save there Cas, come on let's discuss the plan."

Castiel nodded and followed Dean towards a safe place. They had many things to discuss and not much time remained. If their plan failed the world would face poetry in all its evil glory.

.

Sam forced a grin as he walked towards Lucifer. "Are you excited for the prom?" he asked, making light conversation. Getting used to talking to Lucifer was important as he needed to keep him distracted long enough for the plan to work. If he couldn't think of any good topics the plan would fail and poetry would conquer all. He would not let that happen.

Lucifer nodded. "I certainly am. Have you decided what are going to wear?"

Sam shrugged. "I haven't considered it."

"That's good, because I have selected your outfit already."

The smirk on Lucifer's face couldn't be good. "It's not a Frenchmaid dress is it?" He certainly hoped not!

Lucifer shook his head. "No that's Alistair's idea and who wants to copy him? I have a much better idea in mind. What do you think about wearing a white pimp suit? I stole it from my stupid brother Michael just so you could wear it."

"Uh sure." At least he didn't have to wear a Frenchmaid dress.

Lucifer grinned. "I look forward to our date."

Sam forced a grin again. "Yeah I'm totally excited." He was glad Lucifer couldn't see through fake expressions. He wasn't sure what would happen if he could. "So I hope Alistair will not be providing food on the night?"

Lucifer shook his head. "No, Azazel will provide the food. He's quite a good cook in fact, but he's never available. He's always vanishing to somewhere else." Where had Azazel gone anyway? He never knew where the demon was, he was probably throwing weapons at demons again. "I'll see you soon Sam – I have some things to sort out."

Sam nodded. "Alright."

Two weeks until the prom. Two weeks until this nightmare was over. Two weeks until freedom.

.

I have both good and bad news. The bad news is this: only two chapters remain. However, the good news is I can focus on my other Supernatural fanfics such as Board Games, The Missing Trenchcoat and Malus Peior Pessimus. I've also got some ideas for a Sam and Lucifer crack story. Reviews as always are much appreciated!


	12. Final Preparations

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew.

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

Animalfeelings, Verimol, Indigo Nights, dirtdevil76, Werewolf Girl 22 and Jedi Arwen Sparrow Winchester for taking the time to review

**.**

**Chapter Eleven: Final Preparations**

Lucifer sat in the head office as drunk some beer whilst happily humming the tune to 'The Scientist' by Coldplay. Although the song wasn't about science, he wondered what it would be like to be a scientist and wondered why none of his demons had possessed the bodies of highly intelligent people. He could certainly use a scientist on his side. Perhaps one of them could come up with a way to destroy all angels but himself? Taking down demons would be a bonus. "Azazel!" Lucifer shouted.

Azazel appeared in his room, his bright yellow eyes darting around frantically as if expecting an ambush. He wouldn't put it past Lucifer. Lucifer loved playing tricks on his followers just as much as he loved poetry. "What's the problem master?" he asked, trying to remain as polite as possible.

"I want you to become the cook for the upcoming prom," Lucifer replied lazily.

"Isn't that Alistair's job?"

Lucifer shook his head. "Alistair is a terrible cook! I do not want my date to suffer food poisoning on the night of the prom." He wondered who had taught Alistair to cook. It certainly wasn't himself. "Where have you been in the past couple of weeks Azazel?"

"I've just been away from school," Azazel replied truthfully.

"You missed out on a wonderful poetry recital by Sam Winchester recently," Lucifer said.

Azazel gulped nervously. He hoped Lucifer wouldn't send him to the depths of hell. He had not heard nice rumours about the place. "I am sorry Father, but I had issues to attend to."

The devil raised an eyebrow. "What issues?"

It was time to think of something fast, unfortunately lying on the spot wasn't an ability that came naturally to Azazel. Lucifer was the master of lies and manipulation. Not him. He was merely a puppet working for a greater power. "The horsemen were caught raiding the stables again," he said.

Lucifer sighed. Those horsemen were proving to be more than trouble than they were worth. "Famine, War, Death and Pestilence are at the stables again?" He knew it was a bad idea letting the horsemen bet on the racing cup. "I trust the horses are in perfect condition?" The abilities of the horsemen were not to be ridiculed.

Azazel nodded. "The horses are fine."

"Well I want you to bring the horsemen here and tell them they are to perform my favourite songs at the prom," Lucifer ordered.

"What songs?"

Lucifer bent down and searched under his table for his papers. He found separate pieces of paper stuck to the underside of the table. Without sparing another thought, he tore them off and handed it over to Azazel to read. "Tell them they are to dress up as the Teletubbies," he said. That would certainly scare all the demons into behaving themselves on the night.

Azazel nodded slowly. Lucifer was a nutter, but so were all demons for they were made in his image. "Okay I will do this task for you." He turned to leave when Lucifer called out his name.

"On the way out do you think you could buy me a tiara? I really like them," Lucifer said.

Azazel sighed to himself. "Of course." Not wanting to spend more time trading words with Lucifer, Azazel departed the room and teleported himself to the stables to pass on orders to the horsemen.

.

"Dean this isn't funny!" Sam snapped, as he turned around in a circle showing off his white pimp suit.

Dean grinned widely. "It's hilarious actually." He pulled out his camera and snapped a few photos of his brother posing. These photos would become handy in a situation to blackmail Sam. Sam was less than impressed with Dean's ideas. "I'm going to use these to my advantage later."

Sam scowled. "Shouldn't we be focusing on the task at hand?"

Dean considered the idea and shook his head. "Nah."

"Where's your outfit anyway?" Sam asked, desperately changing the topic. The sudden change in expression on Dean's face brought a smile to Sam's face. "You've got one haven't you?" As far as he was concerned as long as Dean had not opted to wear a Frenchmaid dress, his sanity would remain intact.

Dean cast his eyes downwards seemingly tranfixed by a spot on the ground. "Wel... I was going to dress up like they did in those Western movies..."

Sam frowned. "Oh boy..." A sudden visual image of Dean and Alistair walking down the aisle formed in his mind. They surely were going to be the oddest of odd couples present on the night. "All of a sudden I'm glad I'm not your partner."

Dean's reply was immediate. "Bitch."

Sam countered. "Jerk."

"But in all seriousness... is it really that bad?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah! I mean, what is that a blanket?"

Dean glared. "It's not a blanket!" Sam opened his mouth to question him more, but Dean crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "This discussion is over!" Sam wasn't the only one going to the prom. "At least I get to choose what I want to wear."

"At least my partner isn't dressing up in a Frenchmaid dress!" The thought of Lucifer wearing one made it cringe. That would be pure evil.

"What is Lucifer wearing anyway?"

Sam shrugged. Lucifer had kept this information private. "I'm not sure. What would the devil wear to the prom?" It was an interesting thought. The list of possibilities was endless. Would Lucifer dress up as a fairy or a clown? Would he dress normally or wear a pimp suit as well?

"Whatever you do, do not say 'yes' to the devil," Dean said.

"What has that got to do with clothing?" Sam asked.

"Just a reminder. He might try to seduce you with poetry to make you say 'yes'."

Sam frowned. It was a good theory. "What do you want me to say? No to everything?" Saying no to someone like Lucifer didn't seem like a good idea, but no harm could come to him right? He was after all the chosen vessel for Lucifer. Lucifer wouldn't dare inflict harm on his prize. "You and Castiel better make sure the plan works."

"Don't worry about us; worry about yourself. I'll be too busy handling both Alistair and Castiel – I can't watch over you as well. Just keep the devil distracted and we'll do our part." Lucifer was certainly in for a surprise. His evil reign would end the night of the prom.

Sam had to trust his brother. "Alright." How on earth was he going to keep Lucifer distracted? Time was running out to think of ideas – the prom was just around the corner.

"Well, I better go hook Castiel up with his date," Dean said. "Good luck – you'll need it."

Sam watched his brother leave the room before glancing upwards. What were the angels thinking? Were they all aware of the plan?

.

The angels sat in a room up in heaven preparing themselves for the final meeting. In less than a week, their arch enemy and brother Lucifer would be sent back to his cage in hell for eternity. It was time to make plans for the after party. "Zachariah, can I show everyone my awesome card show at the party?" Gabriel asked.

Raphael glared at him. "No one wants to see your stupid card show."

"I'm good at cards! Look, I can build a tower made out of cards!" With the click of his finger, the deck of cards in his hand assembled into a tower. All angels present groaned loudly. "What?" he asked, astonished by the lack of applause from his fellow peers.

"Like I said, no one wants to see your stupid card show. You cheat all the time!" Raphael snapped.

Gabriel stuck out his tongue. "You're just jealous because you can't do it." With another click of his fingers, the cards fell to the ground and returned to his hands. "You can't even play basic card games like 'Go Fish'."

Anna giggled softly, twirling a lock of ginger hair around her finger. "Gabriel's right Raphael – you're terrible at card games. Even Castiel, as pathetic as he is, can beat you." She turned to fix her eyes on Castiel who was currently busy trying to figure out what trenchcoat to wear. She sighed to herself. What a loser.

Castiel examined the paper with the different trenchcoat designs. All of them were the same design, however the colouring was different. One was black, one was purple and the final one was his usual light brown trenchcoat. "Oh I think the purple one looks nice," Castiel said to no one in particular.

Zachariah frowned. "That looks horrible! Go with the black one!"

Castiel gasped. How dare Zachariah make such a foul suggestion? "Black is the colour of darkness!"

The elder angel shook his head. "No it isn't, purple is."

Castiel's face remained blank. "But the black one is the colour of people called emos," he said. He had learnt a lot about humans from watching various human sitcoms. The word emo referred to overly emotional people. He was an angel – angels lacked emotion. He could not be emo. "I will go with the usual," he said, selecting the last trenchcoat.

Zachariah buried his face in his hands and shook his head sadly. "Alright, it's your choice." In his opinion black was far superior, but who was he to argue?

"Have you decided what you were going to wear?" Uriel asked.

Castiel nodded. "My favourite trenchcoat," he said, pointing the light brown trenchcoat.

All the other angels groaned. "Great, now that is over can we organize the after party?" Anna said, exasperated.

"Can we get balloons?" Gabriel asked. "They're fun to pop. Oh and fire crackers!" he said with much excitement.

Zachariah listened carefully as he wrote down the good ideas. This was going to be a party unlike any other. The parties of bible readings and garden maintenance were long gone now. This would be a real reason to celebrate.

.

Sorry everyone! I went through a severe case of Writers Block during the past month. Fortunately, the ability to write has returned! Only one more chapter to go now and 'Hells Bells' is officially finished. What will happen at the prom? What will Lucifer wear? And most importantly... what is the plan and will it work? These questions will all be answered.

In addition to this, because it's the final chapter, is there anything else you would like to see? A conversation between Castiel and Meg perhaps or the horsemen performing hit songs? Suggestions welcomed! As always, reviews are much appreciated!


	13. The Final Battle

**Disclaimer**

The rights to Supernatural belong to Eric Kripke and crew.

**Title**

Hells Bells

**Summary**

Tired of his demons constantly failing to get Sam Winchester, Lucifer sets up a school for them.

**Special Thanks**

It's been almost two years since I started this story and I'm saddened that it has to an end. Some chapters were much harder to write than others hence why it took me months to update. I'd like to thank Indigo Nights, AppleInMyEye, Werewolf Girl 22, popdiva97 and Jedi Arwen Sparrow Winchester for reviewing the previous chapter. I'd also like to thank every person who has reviewed at least one of these chapters – you guys kept me going to the end. I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

**.**

**Chapter Twelve: The Final Battle**

The angels up in Heaven had come down to Earth to celebrate the fall of Lucifer. Raphael and Gabriel brought along many fire crackers to light up the sky with pretty colours, while Zachariah robbed many pubs taking the alcohol with him. Anna spent her time trying to make herself look good, whilst Castiel just stood in the corner doing absolutely nothing. That's how he spent his leisure time. Standing still and doing nothing. It was a good life. "Where is Michael?" Anna asked.

Zachariah shrugged. "Does anyone honestly care?"

All the angels shook their heads. Michael was unimportant and quite anti-social. He wouldn't approve of their big party. Castiel then realized he was meant to meet up with his date. He vanished and teleported himself down to the school where Meg was waiting for him impatiently. Anna sighed. "He didn't even bother to say goodbye," she said.

"Who cares?" Raphael commented.

Anna considered his words. "True." As the angels continued to make final preparations, Sam and Dean prepared to take down the Devil and end this once and for all.

.

It was the day of the prom and Sam was pacing back and forth trying to calm himself down for the big event. Today he needed to have enough confidence to do the unthinkable – send Lucifer back to Hell by distracting him long enough so Dean could use the weapons. Dean noticed Sam's increasingly agitated state and tried to comfort him. "Everything's going to be alright Sam."

"You better not miss. We've only got one shot at the Devil so you better make it count," Sam replied, readjusting his tie. "This is embarrassing..." he mumbled under his breath.

"I have to go with Alistair."

Sam frowned. "Good point." The two boys spent another hour ensuring they were in prime condition. Dean pocketed the secret weapon underneath his jacket before heading towards the detention room to pick up his partner. Sam left Dean and searched for Lucifer. Luckily, Lucifer wasn't hard to find for he was busy bossing demons around in the courtyard.

In the far end of the courtyard, Sam noticed the four horsemen were busy singing random songs dressed in Teletubby costumes. It was a disturbing sight indeed. He shook his head and walked over to Lucifer. Upon seeing Sam, Lucifer relaxed and hurried over to greet his partner.

"Hi Sam!"

"Hi Lucifer," Sam replied, nowhere near as enthusiastic as Lucifer was with his greeting. He couldn't wait for this to be over. Lucifer took Sam's arm with his own and walked him towards the main dancing area. In the corner of his eye, Sam spotted Dean and Frenchmaid Alistair testing out the pie section of the food area.

"Don't worry Sam, Alistair didn't cook those pies," Lucifer said reassuringly.

"That's a relief, wouldn't want anything bad to happen to Dean," Sam replied. Dean needed to be in full health. He tried to catch Dean's eye from across the courtyard, but Dean was too distracted by the pies to pay Sam any notice. Instead, he was greeted by Castiel and Meg. "Oh, hi Castiel," he said.

Meg, dressed in a strapless black dress, rested her head against Castiel's shoulder. She felt very 'clean' being around him, but at least she was here. "Hi Sam! Hi Father! Both of you look fine," she winked. She stood on her toes and kissed Castiel lightly on the cheek.

Castiel frowned and glanced down at her. "What was that?"

She grinned. "Just a special something for my partner."

Confused, Castiel almost forgot why he had visited Sam. Sam waved a hand in his face. "Uh, Castiel?"

The angel snapped out of his trance and remembered what he was here for. "Where is Dean?" Castiel asked, looking around for the older brother.

Sam pointed to the pie stand. "He's checking out the pies."

Eventually, Dean realized he was being watched. He turned around mouth stuffed with pies, and dragged Alistair over to meet the others. "These pies are great!" Dean remarked. "Would you like one?" he asked, holding the pie in the air.

Sam shook his head. "No thanks Dean. We've got other things to do eat pies." He hoped Dean would pick up the hint. Luckily for him, Dean wasn't totally distracted by the pies.

Castiel stood close to Dean and whispered in his ear. "The ring of holy fire is near the pie stand," he said in a voice so quiet only Dean could hear.

Dean glanced back over the pie stand. "Let's all stand by the pie stand." He frowned at his wording, but shrugged it off and marched over to his favourite area.

Sam realized the plan had something to do with the pie stand. He suspected Castiel had set up the holy ring of fire there. Now all he had to do was convince Lucifer to walk to the pies. "Actually, I feel like having some pie now."

Lucifer frowned. He was growing suspicious. "But you said you didn't want any pie..."

Sam shrugged. "I didn't want any pie from Dean – he's already eaten half of it."

Lucifer nodded. Made sense to him. "Alright, we'll go get some pie but then it's time to dance."

Sam shuddered and glared at Dean. His glare said it all, 'don't miss'. Dean smirked in reply. He was tempted to delay the plan by a few minutes just to see the dance, but then realized Alistair might want to dance as well. He wasn't going to let that happen. They arrived at the pie stand and Sam quickly grabbed a piece of apple pie. Without knowing a trap was waiting for him, Lucifer stood into the ring keeping a close eye on Sam. Sam and Dean's eyes met - it was time to act.

.

Gabriel pulled out his deck of cards and played a short game of 'Go Fish' with a copy of himself, whilst the other angels continued to decorate the place. "Are we going to join the party on earth?" he asked, bored.

Anna twirled a lock of hair around a finger. "I certainly hope so."

Zachariah nodded. "We can't join the party until Lucifer is gone."

Gabriel sighed. "And what if the Winchesters fail? Then what?"

"It's back to bible reading classes and cleaning the gardens for us," Zachariah replied sadly, head hung low. Those Winchesters better not screw things up for us, he thought bitterly. Back down on earth, the final showdown was about to begin.

.

Dean pulled out his taser gun and aimed it at the Devil and shot. The little spikes dug deep into Lucifer's host body piercing him. Lucifer screamed in agony and stumbled backwards. He desperately tried to pry the darts out, but couldn't. Dean raised an eyebrow, surprised at how effective the gun was. The Colt didn't work, but a simple taser gun did the job? Stranger things have happened. "How could you do this to me?" Lucifer screamed, glaring at Sam. "I thought we were dates!"

Sam smirked. "Sorry Lucifer, but I strung you along and you were arrogant enough to believe I cared," he said. "To Hell with you!"

Lucifer screamed again, but managed to hold his ground. "I'll get you for this Sam Winchester!" he raged.

"Well... it might be awhile before you escape Hell again," Sam said, carelessly shrugging his shoulders. "And by that time we won't be alive."

Lucifer lunged towards Sam when a circle of flames erupted around him, encircling him. "NOOOO!" he screamed. How could he be outsmarted by mere humans? He glanced at Castiel. Of course. The humans weren't alone. He should've known Castiel was a rebel.

Alistair ran forward and flashed Lucifer a big smile. "Now you get to spend an eternity with the Teletubbies and evil showerheads!" He shook Lucifer's hand before handing him a tray of his special cooking. "This is for you. Think of it as a gift from me."

Lucifer had no choice but to accept the gift. Upon accepting the gift, Michael and the other angels appeared. The leader of the angels stood outside of the circle staring intensely at his brother. "Hello brother, it's time you went back to hell," he said smugly.

Lucifer growled. "You're just jealous because I had better toys than you," he said. After all, all evil mad angels had to start somewhere, right? And what better way to become a fully fledged evil one by practicing on toys?

Michael shook his head. "Those toys were MINE, you just couldn't accept that."

Whilst the two angels argued, Castiel rushed forward, determination on his face. It had to end now. "You both lie! They're my TOYS!" Castiel screamed. He muttered an incantation under his breath and the gateway to hell formed before them.

Lucifer shuddered. "I can hear the Teletubbies..." he moaned.

Castiel knew it was time to act and without sparing another thought, charged into Lucifer and pushed him into the gateway to Hell. Michael stormed angrily towards Castiel. "Castiel! How dare you push my traitorous, horrible brother into the cage? That's my job!" He was the saviour! Not Castiel! Not Sam! Not Dean!

"I've had enough of being pushed around by you," Castiel said. "You were mean to me when I was a young angel. I'll never forget how you stole all my favourite toys and pretended they were yours!" Castiel's eyes started to blur. Dean frowned. Since when did angels cry?

Michael waved his finger in front of Castiel's face tauntingly. "That's because you're a loser Castiel."

That was it. No more doormat Castiel! He charged at Michael and pushed him through the gates of Hell. Michael screamed and Lucifer's maniacal laughter could be heard as the two fell to the deepest pits of Hell. The gates soon closed and all the remaining angels and demons stood looking at each with confusion. What on earth were they going to do now? "So... what now?" Ruby said. "We don't have our Father anymore."

Raphael shrugged. "We don't have our Leader anymore either."

Meg walked up to Raphael and offered her hand. "Shall we call it a truce then? There's no reason to fight anymore."

Anna grinned. "I think we should let Castiel decide, he did push Michael and Lucifer into the pit." She winked again, and Castiel felt a bizarre tingly feeling rush through him. "You're my hero, Castiel!" she said, hugging him tightly.

His day certainly could not get any better. "It was Sam and Dean that saved the day," he pointed out.

"Nevermind that, you got rid of that bitch Michael for us," she said. "I hated him." The other angels nodded in agreement. Michael wasn't very nice at all.

The demon Crowley decided now it was a good time to make himself visible. "I am the new King of Hell," he announced. "I helped the Winchesters come up with a plan to take down Lucifer," he explained to the mass crowd of confused demons.

Meg nodded. "Where's Azazel? Isn't he Lucifer's favourite?"

Azazel walked to the front of the crowd, his yellow eyes glinting mischievously. "I don't want to be a leader anymore, let Crowley rule Hell."

Crowley smiled smugly. Christmas had come early. "My pleasure."

Dean turned to Castiel. "So Castiel, are you going to call a truce?"

Castiel looked at the demons and stroked his chin thoughtfully. He looked at his partner Meg and nodded. "Ok, I call a truce between angels and demons."

Crowley sighed with relief. At least he didn't have to worry about crazy angels anymore. The less to worry about, the better he thought. Dean exchanged relieved glances with Sam. "Well, looks like our job is done."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, we graduated from demon school."

Dean smirked. "We don't have to worry about fighting demons and angels anymore either." That was certainly a relief.

Alistair walked up to Dean and took his hand. "Thanks for taking me to the prom, Dean." His eyes became blurry.

Dean pulled his hands away and patted Alistair on the shoulder. "No problem..."

Alistair grabbed Dean in a bear hug. "You're the greatest, Dean! Thanks for everything!"

Dean struggled to pull himself out from the hug. "Keep on cooking, Alistair," he said. Alistair finally released Dean and smiled, wiping tears from his eyes.

Sam waved to all the demons and angels in the crowd. "Our job is done and now we have to go. It was a pleasure working with you all," he said, trying to be polite.

"Bye Sam!" the demons chorused together.

Sam forced a grin and hurriedly pushed Dean towards the exit where Jo and Ellen were waiting for him. Jo greeted Dean with a hug. "I heard you finished the job."

Dean nodded. "We certainly did, now let's get the hell out of here." Ellen obliged and quickly sped off into the distance. Sam glanced over his shoulder watching the demon school fade from his vision. Strangely, he was going to miss this place. As the boys drove home, the angels started their party with the demons. It seemed peace had finally been reached, but for how long? As for Michael and Lucifer, another journey was about to start...

.

And that was the final chapter of 'Hells Bells'. Thanks again for reading!


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